Question: Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. O...
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Advertisement plays a crucial role in society to buy products. A group of people is of the opinion that the best way to convince people to buy goods is by paying attention to advertisement, while others opine that citizens can skip it because promotion is a common way of introducing products. I consider that many individuals encourageare encouraged to buy things by vitisingviewing promotions because of itstheir influence and power.
On the one hand, many people believe companies can be much more seccussful to sellsuccessful in selling their products to people by using promotion. In other words, there are lots of businesses trying to introduce new products worldwide, and it may tempt people to buy them to adapt themselevsthemselves to the new trends of the world. This can raise people's awareness about new goods, so they can make comparisoncomparisons between various prices, qualifications and specifications. Therefore, they can make an intelligent decisions in their purchases, and advertising can meet their demands by convincing them to buy different goods.
On the other hand, some people think that people are surrounded withby many advertisements, and it is unnecessary to pay attention to them. This way, they skip many promotions on their smartphones, buses and televiosionstelevisions because they see them every where everywhereand everyall the time. However, it is illlogicalillogical to underestimate the success of advertisement in pursuadingpersuading citizens to buy things because they offeredoffer people various models and prices which are tempting.
In concluionconclusion, while people may vary in their attitudes, I think that not only does advertisement playsplay a significant role in pursuadingpersuading people to buy products, but it can also promote some appealing commodities to conviceconvince people to buy them.
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Feedback on the Essay
Task Achievement
The essay addresses both views and provides a clear opinion, fulfilling the task requirements. However, the argument could be more balanced. The first view (advertising being persuasive) is well-developed, but the second view (advertising being ignored due to overexposure) is not explored in as much depth.
Some points lack clarity or logical flow. For example, the idea that people skip ads because they are "everywhere" is mentioned, but the counterargument (that ads still influence people subconsciously) could be stronger.
The conclusion restates the opinion but does not summarize the discussion effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, but some transitions between ideas are abrupt. For example, the shift from the first body paragraph to the second could be smoother.
Some sentences are awkwardly phrased, making the argument harder to follow (e.g., "many individuals encourage to buy things by vitising promotions because of its influence and power").
Repetition of words like "advertisement" and "buy" could be reduced with synonyms or rephrasing.
Lexical Resource
There are several spelling errors ("seccussful," "vitising," "illlogical," "concluion") that affect clarity.
Some word choices are unnatural ("pursuading" instead of "persuading," "convice" instead of "convince").
The vocabulary is somewhat limited, with overuse of basic terms like "people" and "buy." More varied and precise language would improve the essay.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are frequent grammatical errors, including:
Subject-verb agreement ("A group of people is" → "A group of people are")
Incorrect verb forms ("encourage to buy" → "are encouraged to buy")
Missing articles ("make an intelligent decisions" → "make intelligent decisions")
Awkward phrasing ("to adapt themselevs to the new trends" → "to adapt to new trends")
Sentence structures are sometimes unclear or unnatural, affecting readability.
Suggestions for Improvement
Balance the Discussion – Give equal weight to both views before presenting your opinion.
Proofread for Errors – Correct spelling, grammar, and word choice to improve clarity.
Use More Precise Vocabulary – Replace repetitive words with synonyms (e.g., "consumers" instead of "people," "purchase" instead of "buy").
Improve Sentence Structure – Ensure sentences are grammatically correct and flow logically.
Strengthen the Conclusion – Summarize key points from both sides before restating your opinion.
With these improvements, the essay would be more coherent, accurate, and persuasive.