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Question: It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their perso...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
It is considered that taking risks is prominentimportant for individuals both in their careercareers and personal lives. In my opinion, taking risks will make people explore new things and gain broad informationknowledge, if they are careful and cautious; so thus, the advantages of taking risks, will outweigh the disadvantages. On the one hand, in professional life, people must experience and try various methods related to their careers to gain enough informationknowledge and be more efficient. For example, leaving your current job whichthat makes you bored, and trying to find an enjoyable one is a kind of taking risks that can help you to find your favoritefavourite job. Meanwhile, taking risks can have an impact on your personal life, such as going to new places and exploring, that which makes your life more thrilling. On the other hand, taking risks can cause a lot of problems regarding money and time. It might cost a lot of money if you want to take a trip or leave your job for a few days. Moreover, you may lose your current job in your professional life and your safe placespace related to your personal life. However, if you take care and predict every aspect of that risk, you can control every possible troubleissue. If you are well-prepared aboutfor possible problems during your exploration, you will solve them easily. For example, before travelingtravelling to the forest, you must take all amenitiesessentials, such as a compass and enough defensive stuffitems, to be adequately prepared. enough. In conclusion, taking risks can help you find a propersuitable job to be sufficient related to in your professional life. Additionally, you are able to explore new places and experience various things, although being cautious is necessary to be safe and reduce your losslosses.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
It is considered that taking risks is prominent for individuals both in their career and personal lives. In my opinion, taking risks will make people explore new things and gain broad information, if they are careful and cautious so, the advantages of taking risks, will outweigh the disadvantages.
It is widely believed that taking risks is essential for individuals in both their careers and personal lives. In my opinion, taking risks allows people to explore new opportunities and acquire a wealth of knowledge, provided they approach these risks with care and caution. Therefore, the advantages of taking risks often outweigh the disadvantages.
On the one hand, in professional life, people must experience and try various methods related to their careers to gain enough information and be more efficient. For example, leaving your current job which makes you bored, and trying to find an enjoyable one is a kind of taking risks that can help you to find your favorite job. Meanwhile, taking risks can have an impact on your personal life such as going to new places and exploring that makes your life more thrilling.
On the one hand, in professional life, individuals must experiment with various methods related to their careers to gain valuable insights and enhance their efficiency. For instance, leaving a monotonous job in search of a more fulfilling one is a form of risk-taking that can lead to discovering a career that truly resonates with you. Additionally, taking risks can positively impact your personal life by encouraging you to visit new places and engage in exciting experiences, making life more thrilling.
On the other hand, taking risks can cause a lot of problems regarding money and time. It might cost a lot of money if you want to take a trip or leave your job for a few days. Moreover, you may lose your current job in your professional life and your safe place related to your personal life. However, if you take care and predict every aspect of that risk, you can control every possible trouble. If you are well-prepared about possible problems during your exploration, you will solve them easily. For example, before traveling to the forest, you must take all amenities such as a compass and enough defensive stuff to be prepared enough.
On the other hand, taking risks can lead to significant challenges, particularly concerning finances and time. For example, embarking on a trip or taking a leave of absence from work can incur substantial costs. Furthermore, there is a possibility of losing your current job or compromising your stability in your personal life. However, if you approach these risks thoughtfully and anticipate potential challenges, you can mitigate many of the associated problems. Being well-prepared for possible issues during your explorations can enable you to address them effectively. For instance, before venturing into the wilderness, it is crucial to equip yourself with essential items such as a compass and adequate safety gear to ensure you are sufficiently prepared.
In conclusion, taking risks can help you find a proper job to be sufficient related to your professional life. Additionally, you are able to explore new places and experience various things although being cautious is necessary to be safe and reduce your loss.
In conclusion, taking risks can lead to finding a suitable job that enhances your professional life. Moreover, it allows you to explore new places and engage in diverse experiences. However, it is essential to exercise caution to ensure safety and minimize potential losses.
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Overall Band Score
6.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
strong
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks in professional and personal contexts. However, it could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that directly answers whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
  • Examples and Support: The essay provides examples, such as changing jobs and traveling, to illustrate the points. These examples are relevant but could be expanded with more detail to strengthen the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing professional risks to personal risks could be more clearly signposted.
  • Linking Words: The use of linking words and phrases (e.g., "On the one hand," "On the other hand," "However") helps in structuring the essay, but more varied connectors could enhance the flow.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, but there is room for more varied and precise language. For example, instead of "broad information," consider "extensive knowledge."
  • Word Choice: Some phrases could be more concise or precise. For instance, "be sufficient related to your professional life" could be rephrased for clarity.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay demonstrates a range of sentence structures, but some sentences are overly complex and could be simplified for clarity. For example, "In my opinion, taking risks will make people explore new things and gain broad information, if they are careful and cautious so, the advantages of taking risks, will outweigh the disadvantages" could be split into two sentences.
  • Grammar and Punctuation: There are minor grammatical errors, such as missing articles ("a kind of taking risks") and punctuation issues (e.g., unnecessary commas). Proofreading for these errors would improve the overall quality.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Thesis Statement: Clearly state your position on whether the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages in the introduction.
  2. Detailed Examples: Provide more detailed examples to support your points, particularly in the context of personal life risks.
  3. Transitions: Use a wider range of transitional phrases to improve the coherence between paragraphs and ideas.
  4. Language Precision: Enhance vocabulary and ensure word choices are precise and appropriate for the context.
  5. Sentence Clarity: Simplify complex sentences to improve readability and ensure grammatical accuracy.

Overall, the essay presents a balanced view of the topic but could be strengthened with clearer arguments, more detailed examples, and improved language use.