Question: In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard ...

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In many nations, children often assume that they can catchachieve anything they wish if they do their best according to what they are told by their parents and peopleothers. In this essay, I will explore the benefits and drawbacks of this belief. To begin with, a large number of parents constantly tell their kids that if they try hard, they will undoubtedly achieve what they desire. This attitude can come with certain downsides. Firstly, children will expect to achieve whatever they want under any circumstances;, while many things do not depend only depend on their efforts. Consequently, they will experience not only disappointment but also frustration and think they are not good enough. Moreover, they might do anything in order to reach their ambitions, even if they must take someone's life. However, this viewpoint could have significant upsides as well. This belief givegives adolescents both motivation and hope in order to be more ambitiosambitious. Also, it helps them to have aspiration in order aspirations to make their dreams come true. Furthermore, it recallsreminds them that they themselves shape their own destiny, and it couldwould not be possible unless they work hard and do their best. To illustrate, if scientists had not worked hard and done their experiments millionmillions of times, they would not have become successful and come into a made new investigationdiscoveries. In conclusion, although being optimistcoptimistic about trying hard and getting successfulachieving success can be beneficial in counlesscountless ways, it has come advantagessome disadvantages as well. Even though sometimes this perspective leads intoto being more motivated, other times it results in children's frustration of children.
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Overall Band Score
6.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
average
Word Count
sufficient
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Feedback on Your Essay

Task Achievement

  • Strengths: Your essay addresses the prompt and presents both advantages and disadvantages of telling children they can achieve anything through hard work. The introduction and conclusion are present, and you provide examples to support your points.
  • Areas for Improvement:
    • Some ideas are not fully developed. For example, the claim that children might "take someone's life" to achieve their ambitions is extreme and lacks justification. A more realistic drawback (e.g., burnout or neglecting other aspects of life) would be more convincing.
    • The conclusion is somewhat unclear and repetitive ("it has come advantages as well" should be "it has some disadvantages as well").

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Strengths: The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphing (introduction, body paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion).
  • Areas for Improvement:
    • Some sentences are awkwardly phrased, making the flow less smooth (e.g., "This belief give adolescents both motivation and hope in order to be more ambitios").
    • Transition words could be used more effectively. For example, "However" is correctly used, but phrases like "Moreover" and "Furthermore" could be better integrated.

Lexical Resource

  • Strengths: You use a range of vocabulary (e.g., "frustration," "ambitious," "aspiration," "destiny").
  • Areas for Improvement:
    • Some word choices are incorrect or unnatural (e.g., "catch anything they wish" should be "achieve anything they want"; "come into a new investigation" is unclear).
    • Spelling errors ("ambitios" → "ambitious," "counless" → "countless").

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Strengths: You attempt complex sentences, and some are correctly structured (e.g., "if scientists had not worked hard...").
  • Areas for Improvement:
    • Subject-verb agreement errors ("This belief give" → "This belief gives").
    • Incorrect tense usage ("it has come advantages" → "it has some advantages").
    • Missing articles ("a new investigation" → "new discoveries").

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Clarify Extreme Statements: Avoid exaggerated claims (e.g., "take someone's life") unless supported by logic or evidence.
  2. Proofread for Grammar and Spelling: Carefully check for errors before submitting.
  3. Expand on Ideas: Develop each point with clearer explanations and examples.
  4. Improve Word Choice: Use more precise and natural phrasing.

Overall, your essay is on the right track but needs refinement in clarity, grammar, and depth of argument. Keep practicing!