Question: Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required ...
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These days it seems that more educated people are migrating to other countries than ever before. This raiseraises certain questionquestions about the whther whetherthey should be free to work in another country or not. Although there are valid arguments to the contrary, in this essay iI will argue that it must be their own decision to choose their desiredesired country to work. The reasons for this are twofold.Some people believe that because government are governmentsspend lots of money to train the professionals, they must be stay in their home country to pay thosethat money back. Meanwhile, in my opinion, it is the government's responsibility to allocate a budget for training their people, and they should not expectingexpect people to pay these moenythis money back withby working.Firstly, it is vitally important that expertesexperts such as doctors, engineers, and scientists are try hard in their lifetime to become knowledgeable in different scientific areas, and they have this righthe right to choose wherever they wish to work. A particularly fasinatingfascinating example of this is people who livedlive in third-world countries and they study hard in order to immigrate to an affluent country in the future and experience a better quality of life for themselves and their families.secondly
Secondly, I would contend that,the migration of professionals into different parts of the world brings a sense of balance. If all of the expertes would live experts livedin the same country, what happendwould happen to other countries where havethat do not have enough professionals?In conclusion, iI once again restate my view that all of the educated people must have thisthe opportunity to work in another country.
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Feedback on Your Essay
Task Achievement
Strengths:
You addressed both sides of the argument and provided a clear opinion.
The essay meets the minimum word requirement (268 words).
You included examples to support your points, such as professionals from third-world countries seeking better opportunities.
Areas for Improvement:
Clarity of Ideas: Some arguments are unclear or underdeveloped. For example, the idea of "bringing a sense of balance" is not fully explained.
Supporting Evidence: The examples could be more specific. Instead of generalizing about "third-world countries," you could mention a real case (e.g., doctors from India working in the UK).
Conclusion: The conclusion is repetitive and does not summarize key points effectively. A stronger conclusion should restate the main arguments concisely.
Coherence and Cohesion
Strengths:
The essay has a logical structure (introduction, body paragraphs, conclusion).
Some linking words are used (e.g., "Firstly," "secondly," "In conclusion").
Areas for Improvement:
Paragraphing: The second body paragraph ("secondly") is too short and lacks depth.
Transitions: Some sentences feel abrupt. For example, the shift from discussing government responsibility to individual rights is not smooth.
Repetition: The phrase "must have this opportunity" is repeated without adding new information.
Lexical Resource
Strengths:
You use some topic-related vocabulary (e.g., "professionals," "migration," "affluent country").
Areas for Improvement:
Word Choice & Spelling Errors:
"raise certain question" → "raises certain questions"
"whther" → "whether"
"i" → "I" (always capitalize "I")
"expertes" → "experts"
"fasinating" → "fascinating"
"moeny" → "money"
Formal Tone: Some phrases are too informal (e.g., "what happend to other countries").
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Strengths:
You attempt complex sentences, though some are incorrect.
Areas for Improvement:
Subject-Verb Agreement:
"government are spend" → "governments spend"
"they must be stay" → "they must stay"
Tense Consistency:
"they study hard in order to immigrate" (present tense) clashes with "lived" (past tense).
Sentence Structure:
"A particularly fascinating example of this is people who lived in third world countries and they study hard..." → This is a run-on sentence. Better: "A particularly fascinating example is people from developing countries who study hard to immigrate..."
Suggestions for Improvement
Revise Grammar & Spelling: Carefully proofread to correct errors.
Develop Arguments Further: Expand on key points with more detailed explanations.
Use More Formal Language: Avoid informal phrasing and ensure clarity.
Improve Cohesion: Use more linking words (e.g., "Moreover," "However") to connect ideas smoothly.
Strengthen the Conclusion: Summarize key points without repetition.
Overall, your essay has a good structure and addresses the prompt, but refining grammar, vocabulary, and argument development will significantly improve it. Keep practicing!