Question: Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. O...
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There is an opposing view on whether advertismentsadvertisements are significantly persuasive in such a way that makemakes us to buy various goods or they do not attract our attentions any more attention anymoresince, they are so common. In this essay, I will exmaineexamine both viewpoints and explain why I strongly agree with the former perspective.
To begin with, it is argued by many that advertising is not as effective as it used to be. theyThey think altoughalthough elite companies are trying to utilize different methods in order to attract people's attentionsattention, they are not successful anymore. Moreover, they assume that they have learned advertising methods, so, they are not thrickedtricked by those advertismentsadvertisements anymore. To illustrate, if an influencer on social media recommends a product, people might immediately recognize it and skip the ad.
However, a large number of people, myself included, hold the belief that advertismentsadvertisements have performed brilliantly inconvincing individuals to purchase various goods from companies and brands. People with this perspective believe ads have not only always been creative, but also innovative, as, they always try to stay up-to-date with a new and brilliant idea. Furthermore, Theythey use several approaches in order to trigger people's sense of need. As a result, people will buy a number of products that they do not even need. For example, Apple company make makesindividuals feel they need a new gadget such as a new model of IphoneiPhone, only through advertising which can be either direct or indirect. Consequently, they spend thousands of dollars on some things that are not actually essential.
In conclusion, while a number of people cosiderconsider advertising are effectiveness ineffectivesince, they have learnt commerciallearned commercials's tricks, others argue that advertismentsadvertisements still can make a strong impression, which I completely agree with.
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Feedback on Your Essay
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses both views and presents your opinion, which meets the task requirements. However, the introduction could be clearer in outlining the two perspectives before stating your stance.
Some arguments lack depth. For example, the claim that people "have learned advertising methods" and are no longer "tricked" could be expanded with more concrete examples or reasoning.
The example of Apple is strong, but more specific details (e.g., how ads create a sense of need) would strengthen your argument.
The conclusion is somewhat abrupt and could better summarize the key points before restating your opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, but some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from the first view to the second could use a clearer linking phrase (e.g., "On the other hand...").
Some sentences are awkwardly phrased, making the flow less natural (e.g., "they think altough elite companies are trying to utilize different methods in order to attract people's attentions").
Paragraphing is generally good, but the second body paragraph is quite long—consider breaking it into two for better readability.
Lexical Resource
There are several spelling and word choice errors (e.g., "advertisments" → "advertisements," "exmaine" → "examine," "thricked" → "tricked"). Proofreading would help.
Some phrases are repetitive (e.g., "attract people's attentions" appears twice). Vary your vocabulary (e.g., "capture consumers' interest").
The use of "elite companies" is unclear—do you mean "major" or "leading" companies?
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are grammatical errors, such as:
"make us to buy" → "make us buy"
"they think altough" → "they think although"
"they are not thricked" → "they are not tricked"
Some sentences are fragmented or lack proper punctuation (e.g., "Moreover, they assume that they have learned advertising methods so, they are not thricked by those advertisments anymore.").
Work on subject-verb agreement (e.g., "advertising are effectiveness" → "advertising is effective").
Suggestions for Improvement
Clarify your introduction by briefly summarizing both views before stating your opinion.
Expand your arguments with more detailed examples or explanations.
Improve transitions between paragraphs for smoother flow.
Proofread carefully to correct spelling, grammar, and word choice errors.
Vary your vocabulary to avoid repetition.
Overall, your essay presents a clear stance and covers both views, but refining language accuracy and argument depth would strengthen it. Keep practicing!