Balang
  • Home
  • Speaking
  • Blog
lemon logo
Balang is committed to revolutionizing language learning, empowering individuals worldwide to achieve their aspirations through innovative technology and personalized education.
Terms of ServicePrivacy PolicyRefund Policy
Contact
Email
telegram logo
Telegram

Question: Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which cause many h...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
There is some truth in the argument that food and drinks which are not made in the house at home are rich in sugar, and they can have impacts on people's health. So, an increase in their profitprice can be helpful to lessenreduce their consumption because of reducing by lowering the risk of sugar -related diseasediseases and encouraging people to use healthy products instead, while sugar's important role in the body should not be forgotten. On the one hand, increasing the feeprice of sugary items may contribute to lesslower consumption of itthem, which lowersreduces the risks of disorders like obesity and diabetes. Although these diseases are not curable, they can be controlled by usingconsuming less sugar in everyday meals. However, some people do not take obesity and diabetes seriousseriously at first, but they can decrease the quality of liveslife as the time passes. An obese man who suffers from diabetes by takingconsuming less sugar in his diet will not only will have been be able to enjoy his body shape in histhe next 10 years but also will be using lessfewer medications. It is important to note that increasing the cost of sugar would be useful since it encourages people to takechoose other substances instead, which have more healthier ingredients. Products with high amountamounts of protein and vitamins instead of sugar can help build muscles canand lead to a healthier lifestyle. Consuming vegetables, and fruits, and eggs would bemake a complete meal instead of using poor nutrition with higher profitsugar content. On the other hand, eating less sugar because of the rise in its cost would cause problems for the brain's function, which is first due to use primarily relies on glucose. Without an adequate amount of sugar in the body, people would experience mental disorders like, cognitive problems, and memory loss. Regulations are needed for the utilizationconsumption of sugar rather than just risingraising its costs. In conclusion, products havingcontaining high amountamounts of sugar should be bought less due to an increase in its profittheir price to reduce the risk of obesity and diabetes, and other high nutritionhighly nutritious products replacedshould replace them in peoples dietpeople's diets. In my opinion, the importance of sugar for the brain function should not be ignored. However, consuming sugar with limitationsin moderation by increasing its cost would benefit not only the physical health but also the mental efficacyefficiency.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
There is some truth in the argument that food and drinks which are not made in the house are rich in sugar, and they can have impacts on people's health. So, increase in their profit can be helpful to lessen their consumption because of reducing the risk of sugar related disease and encouraging people to use healthy products instead, while sugar's important role in body should not be forgotten.
There is some truth to the argument that commercially produced food and drinks often contain excessive sugar, which can negatively impact people's health. Increasing the price of such products could help reduce their consumption, thereby lowering the risk of sugar-related diseases and encouraging healthier alternatives, though sugar's essential role in bodily functions should not be overlooked.
On the one hand increasing the fee of sugary items may contribute to less consumption of it which lowers the risks of disorders like obesity and diabetes. Although these diseases are not curable, they can be controlled by using less sugar in everyday meals. However, some people do not take obesity and diabetes serious at first, they can decrease the quality of lives as the time passes. An obese man who suffers from diabetes by taking less sugar in his diet not only will have been able to enjoy his body shape in his next 10 years but also will be using less medications.
On one hand, raising the price of sugary products may lead to decreased consumption, which could reduce the incidence of health issues like obesity and diabetes. While these conditions are not curable, they can be managed by reducing sugar intake. Many people underestimate the severity of obesity and diabetes initially, but these conditions significantly diminish quality of life over time. For instance, an individual who reduces sugar consumption may maintain a healthier weight and require fewer medications in the long term.
It is important to note that increasing the cost of sugar would be useful since it encourages people to take other substances instead which have more healthier ingredients. Products with high amount of protein and vitamins instead of sugar can help build muscles can lead to a healthier lifestyle. Consuming vegetables and fruits and eggs would be a complete meal instead of using poor nutrition with higher profit.
Moreover, increasing the cost of sugary products could encourage people to choose alternatives with healthier ingredients. Foods rich in protein, vitamins, and other nutrients, such as vegetables, fruits, and eggs, provide better nutrition and support overall well-being. This shift could promote healthier eating habits and reduce reliance on processed foods with poor nutritional value.
On the other hand eating less sugar because of the rise in its cost would cause problems for the brain's function which is first due to use glucose. Without adequate amount of sugar in body people would experience mental disorders like, cognitive problems, memory loss. Regulations are needed for the utilization of sugar rather than just rising its costs.
However, it is important to recognize that sugar plays a crucial role in brain function, as glucose is the brain's primary energy source. Insufficient sugar intake may lead to cognitive issues, such as memory problems and reduced mental clarity. Therefore, rather than simply increasing sugar prices, balanced regulations on sugar consumption should be implemented to ensure both physical and mental health are maintained.
In conclusion, products having high amount of sugar should be bought less due to increase in its profit to reduce the risk of obesity and diabetes, and other high nutrition products replaced in peoples diet. In my opinion, the importance of sugar for the brain function should not be ignored. However, consuming sugar with limitations by increasing its cost would benefit not only the physical health but also the mental efficacy.
In conclusion, while higher prices for sugary products may help reduce consumption and lower the risk of diseases like obesity and diabetes, the importance of sugar for cognitive function must not be ignored. A balanced approach, combining price adjustments with education on moderate sugar intake, would benefit both physical health and mental performance.
See more samples for this topic
Check your essay for this topic
Overall Band Score
6
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
average
Grammar Accuracy
weak
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
average
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Feedback on Your Essay

Task Achievement

  • Position and Clarity: Your position is somewhat clear—you agree that increasing the price of sugary products could reduce consumption, but you also acknowledge the importance of sugar for brain function. However, the argument could be more consistently developed. Some points feel contradictory (e.g., advocating for higher prices while also warning against sugar restriction).
  • Supporting Ideas: You provide relevant examples (obesity, diabetes, brain function), but some explanations are unclear or underdeveloped. For instance, the link between sugar and cognitive issues needs more clarity.
  • Balance: The essay attempts to discuss both sides but leans more toward agreement. The counterargument (sugar’s necessity for brain function) is weaker and could be expanded.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Logical Flow: The essay has a structure (introduction, body paragraphs, conclusion), but transitions between ideas are sometimes abrupt. For example, the shift from health risks to brain function lacks smooth connection.
  • Paragraphing: Each paragraph has a central idea, but some are too long (e.g., the first body paragraph). Breaking them into smaller, more focused paragraphs would improve readability.
  • Cohesive Devices: Some linking words are used ("On the one hand," "However," "In conclusion"), but more variety and precision would help (e.g., "Furthermore," "Conversely," "Despite this").

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary Range: You use some appropriate terms (e.g., "obesity," "cognitive problems," "regulations"), but there are also awkward or incorrect word choices ("increase in their profit" → "price increase"; "mental efficacy" → "mental function").
  • Word Form & Collocation: Some phrases are unnatural ("increase in their profit," "using less medications"). Review collocations (e.g., "raise prices," "take medications").
  • Repetition: Words like "sugar" and "products" are overused. Synonyms or paraphrasing would help (e.g., "sugary items," "processed foods").

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: There are attempts at complex sentences, but some are grammatically incorrect or unclear (e.g., "An obese man who suffers from diabetes by taking less sugar in his diet not only will have been able to enjoy his body shape..." → This is convoluted and hard to follow).
  • Verb Tenses & Agreement: Some errors exist ("they can decrease the quality of lives" → "they can decrease quality of life"; "will have been able to enjoy" → "will be able to enjoy").
  • Articles & Prepositions: Missing or incorrect articles ("the brain's function" → "brain function"; "using less sugar in everyday meals" → "using less sugar in their daily meals").

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Clarify Your Position: Decide whether you mostly agree or disagree and ensure all arguments support that stance.
  2. Improve Cohesion: Use clearer transitions between ideas and break long paragraphs.
  3. Expand Counterarguments: If discussing sugar’s necessity for brain function, explain it more thoroughly.
  4. Refine Grammar & Vocabulary: Review sentence structures, word choices, and collocations for natural fluency.
  5. Proofread: Check for tense consistency, subject-verb agreement, and article usage.

Overall, the essay addresses the topic but needs refinement in clarity, coherence, and language accuracy. Keep practicing!