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Question: Some people think that competition at work, at school, and in daily life is a good thing. ...

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It is important to consider the positive and negative effects of competing on people. While some think it is helpful for people to compete in their everyday life with their coworker,coworkers and classmateclassmates, I agree with those who argue that individuals should try more to assist each other than focusingfocus on beating one another. On the one hand, one of the advantages of competition among students is that it can increase their motivation. This is because a competitive spirit can force everyone to study hard regardless of any circumstances,; even if they feel tired, they cannot let themselves skip doing homework as they do not want to be worse than their classmates. As a result, this motivation might lead to better performance and output. In contrast, if there were not any rivalry at work place,in the workplace and universities, this may reduce individuals’ willingness forto work hard. work. On the other hand, in my view, it is vital for companies and schools to create a more collaborative environment. The reason for this is that people should have the attitude to work together rather than against one another, as this can improve individualindividuals’s well-being and self-stemesteem. For instance, an employer who helphelps their colleague incolleagues with difficult tasks, this can foster a sense of friendship and kindness, which can make the workplace less stressful and more enjoyable. inIn doing so, team working teamwork not only can increase people’s happiness and satisfaction, but also this can also provide more profits and efficiency for organizations. In conclusion, although competition can give people the impetus to work hard due to fear of losing, I think it is also very crucial to develop collaboration and team work teamwork, as this can increase happiness and satisfaction.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
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It is important to consider the positive and negative effects of competing on people. While some think it is helpful for people to compete in their everyday life with their coworker, and classmate, I agree with those who argue that individuals should try more to assist each other than focusing on beating one another.
It is important to consider the positive and negative effects of competition on individuals. While some believe that competing with coworkers and classmates is beneficial, I align with those who argue that individuals should focus more on assisting one another rather than on surpassing each other.
On the one hand, one of advantages of competition among students is that it can increase their motivation. This is because competitive spirit can force everyone to study hard regardless of any circumstances, even if they feel tired, they cannot let themselves skip doing homework as they do not want to be worse than their classmates. As a result, this motivation might lead to better performance and output. In contrast, if there were not any rivalry at work place, and universities, this may reduce individuals’ willingness for hard work.
On the one hand, one advantage of competition among students is that it can enhance their motivation. A competitive spirit can drive individuals to study diligently, regardless of their circumstances. Even when they feel tired, they may refrain from skipping homework to avoid falling behind their classmates. Consequently, this motivation can lead to improved performance and outcomes. Conversely, in the absence of rivalry in workplaces and universities, individuals may lack the incentive to work hard.
On the other hand, in my view, it is vital for companies and schools to create a more collaborative environment. The reason for this is that people should have the attitude to work together rather than against one another as this can improve individual’s well-being and self-stem. For instance, an employer who help their colleague in difficult tasks, this can foster a sense of friendship and kindness, which can make the workplace less stressful and more enjoyable. in doing so, team working not only can increase people happiness and satisfaction, but also this can provide more profits and efficiency for organizations.
On the other hand, I believe it is essential for companies and schools to foster a more collaborative environment. This is because individuals should adopt an attitude of working together rather than against one another, as this can enhance personal well-being and self-esteem. For instance, when an employee assists a colleague with challenging tasks, it can cultivate a sense of camaraderie and kindness, making the workplace less stressful and more enjoyable. In doing so, teamwork not only increases individual happiness and satisfaction but also contributes to greater profits and efficiency for organizations.
In conclusion, although competition can give people the impetus to work hard due to fear of losing, I think it is also very crucial to develop collaboration and team work as this can increase happiness and satisfaction.
In conclusion, although competition can motivate individuals to work hard due to the fear of losing, I believe it is equally important to promote collaboration and teamwork, as these elements can significantly enhance happiness and satisfaction.
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Overall Band Score
6.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
strong
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on competition and cooperation. It provides a clear opinion favoring cooperation over competition.
  • Ideas and Examples: The essay presents relevant ideas and examples to support both sides of the argument. However, the examples could be more specific and detailed to strengthen the argument further.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Structure and Organization: The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. Each paragraph has a clear central idea.
  • Cohesive Devices: The use of cohesive devices is generally effective, but there are some areas where transitions could be smoother. For example, the transition between discussing competition and cooperation could be more fluid.

Lexical Resource

  • Range of Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. Words like "motivation," "collaborative environment," and "self-esteem" are appropriately used.
  • Accuracy: There are minor errors in word choice and form, such as "self-stem" instead of "self-esteem." Attention to such details would improve clarity.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structures: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds to the readability. However, some sentences are overly complex and could be simplified for clarity.
  • Grammar and Punctuation: There are a few grammatical errors, such as "an employer who help" instead of "an employer who helps," and "in doing so, team working" which should be "in doing so, teamwork." Additionally, the sentence "in doing so, team working not only can increase people happiness and satisfaction, but also this can provide more profits and efficiency for organizations" could be rephrased for better clarity and grammatical accuracy.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Provide More Specific Examples: Enhance the argument by including more detailed and specific examples to illustrate the points made.
  2. Improve Transitions: Work on making transitions between ideas smoother to enhance the flow of the essay.
  3. Simplify Complex Sentences: Break down overly complex sentences to improve clarity and readability.
  4. Proofread for Minor Errors: Pay attention to minor grammatical and lexical errors to improve overall accuracy.

Overall, the essay presents a balanced discussion with a clear opinion, but it could benefit from more specific examples and attention to grammatical details.