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Question: Some people believe that in order for a hobby to be enjoyable, it needs to be difficult in...

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It is widely acclaimed that the more challenging a hobby is, the greater satisfaction one will derive from it. However, I personally do not agree with this view. When it comes to leisure activities, individual characteristicspreferences play a pivotal role in determining the type of activity one chooses. Many people indulge in risky and novel hobbies, where the complexity of the task is secondary to the adrenaline rush they experience throughoutduring the activity. The increasing number of young people opting for extreme sports serves as a prime example. Not only do participants engage in such activities to confront their fears, but they also seek the exhilarating surge of energy that courses through their veins, providing them with an unforeseenunexpected sense of excitement. Moreover, the social circle with whom one engages in shares a hobby is of paramount importance. For instance, there are several types of board games that are remarkablyhighly popular in my country, which do not require extreme physical or mental abilities and can be enjoyed by children as young as nine. During family gatherings, it is common to see all members of a family, regardless of age, playing card games, creating cherished childhood memories for children and fostering a safe, joyful atmosphere for the elderly. Taking these factors into account, it is abundantly clear that various reasons contribute to how much one can enjoy an activity, regardless of its level of difficulty. I do not believe that the only way to find enjoyment in a hobby is through the challenge it presents.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
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It is widely acclaimed that the more challenging a hobby is, the greater satisfaction one will derive from it. However, I personally do not agree with this view. When it comes to leisure activities, individual characteristics play a pivotal role in determining the type of activity one chooses. Many people indulge in risky and novel hobbies, where the complexity of the task is secondary to the adrenaline rush they experience throughout the activity. The increasing number of young people opting for extreme sports serves as a prime example. Not only do participants engage in such activities to confront their fears, but they also seek the exhilarating surge of energy that courses through their veins, providing them with an unforeseen sense of excitement. Moreover, the social circle with whom one engages in a hobby is of paramount importance. For instance, there are several types of board games that are remarkably popular in my country, which do not require extreme physical or mental abilities and can be enjoyed by children as young as nine. During family gatherings, it is common to see all members of a family, regardless of age, playing card games, creating cherished childhood memories for children and fostering a safe, joyful atmosphere for the elderly. Taking these factors into account, it is abundantly clear that various reasons contribute to how much one can enjoy an activity, regardless of its level of difficulty. I do not believe that the only way to find enjoyment in a hobby is through the challenge it presents.
It is widely believed that the more challenging a hobby is, the greater satisfaction one derives from it. However, I disagree with this perspective. When choosing leisure activities, individual preferences play a crucial role. Many people pursue adventurous and unconventional hobbies not for their complexity but for the adrenaline rush they provide. The growing popularity of extreme sports among young people exemplifies this trend. Participants engage in such activities not only to overcome fears but also to experience the exhilarating energy that fuels their excitement. Furthermore, the social aspect of a hobby is equally significant. For example, certain board games, which require minimal physical or mental effort, are immensely popular in my country and can be enjoyed by children as young as nine. During family gatherings, it is common to see members of all ages playing card games together, creating cherished memories for children and fostering a warm, joyful environment for the elderly. Considering these factors, it is evident that enjoyment in a hobby stems from various elements, not solely its difficulty. I firmly believe that challenge is not the only path to fulfillment in leisure activities.
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Overall Band Score
8
Overview
Vocabulary Range
strong
Linking Words
strong
Spelling
strong
Grammar Accuracy
strong
Grammar Range
strong
Cohesion
strong
Paragraph Structure
strong
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Feedback on Your Essay

Task Achievement:
Your response effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear disagreement with the statement that hobbies must be difficult to be enjoyable. You provide relevant examples (extreme sports and board games) to support your argument, which strengthens your position. However, the discussion could benefit from a slightly deeper exploration of why some people might prefer easier hobbies—perhaps by contrasting them with challenging ones more explicitly. The conclusion reiterates your stance well, but a brief summary of key points could make it more impactful.

Coherence and Cohesion:
The essay is logically structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph flows well, and your ideas are connected cohesively. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from extreme sports to board games feels slightly abrupt—a linking phrase could improve the connection. Additionally, varying your linking words (e.g., "Furthermore," "On the other hand") would enhance readability.

Lexical Resource:
Your vocabulary is strong, with words like "pivotal," "exhilarating," and "paramount" demonstrating a good range. However, there are a few instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, "widely acclaimed" might be better replaced with "commonly argued" or "often claimed," as "acclaimed" typically refers to praise rather than general belief. Additionally, some phrases could be more concise (e.g., "providing them with an unforeseen sense of excitement" could be simplified to "giving them unexpected excitement").

Grammatical Range and Accuracy:
Your grammar is mostly accurate, with complex structures used effectively (e.g., "Not only do participants engage..."). However, there are minor issues:

  • "The increasing number of young people opting for extreme sports serves as a prime example." → "The growing popularity of extreme sports among young people serves as a prime example." (More natural phrasing)
  • "There are several types of board games that are remarkably popular in my country..." → "Several types of board games are remarkably popular in my country..." (More concise)
  • A few sentences are slightly long and could be split for clarity.

Suggestions for Improvement:

  1. Expand on Counterarguments: Briefly acknowledge why some people believe difficulty enhances enjoyment before refuting it.
  2. Smooth Transitions: Use more varied linking words to improve flow between ideas.
  3. Refine Word Choice: Ensure all vocabulary fits naturally within the context.
  4. Vary Sentence Structure: Mix shorter and longer sentences for better rhythm.

Overall, your essay is well-argued and coherent, with strong examples. With minor refinements in transitions, conciseness, and grammatical precision, it could be even more effective. Keep up the good work!