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Question: Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages...

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People often claim that one of the goodbest ways of bringing people of different cultures and ages together is music. I strongly agree with the given statement, and this essay will argue that, music provides inreconnection of variety ofa connection between various countries and is universal among all generations. Music is one of the most simple simplest ways of connecting people from all around the world together. It is easy to underestandunderstand by individuals even if they can not cannot speak that language. For instance, Michel Jacson,Michael Jackson sang songs in englishEnglish about africanAfrican people who were in bad situation of lifedifficult situations, while this song broughtevoked the same feeling for the majority of people from other countries to understand the issue and try to help, so this song could brought an intention bring attention towards the people in africaAfrica and providesprovided a large amount of investment for them ,by richwealthy people from other sideparts of the world. In addition, music has the same language among people of different ages of people and it is easy to underestandunderstand. A child could listen to the same music as an alderlyelderly person, which can simpley makesimply create a bond amongbetween these generations. For example, the national music of each country is memorisedremembered by allthe entire population of that specific country, that which keeps them all together singing whileduring special occasions like olympics winningOlympic victories or even winning a war, so this can strongly share the same feelings betweenamong all people onin that moment and keeps them together despite their age or education level. In conclusion, people from different cultures and ages could be brought together via music, which I believe that it is connecting connects all regions of the world together and it is the easiest language among different generationgenerations.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
People often claim that one of the good ways of bringing people of different cultures and ages together is music. I strongly agree with the given statement, and this essay will argue that, music provides inreconnection of variety of countries and universal among all generations. Music is one of the most simple ways of connecting people from all around the world together. It is easy to underestand by individuals even if they can not speak that language. For instance, Michel Jacson, sang songs in english about african people who were in bad situation of life, while this song brought same feeling for majority of people from other countries to understand the issue and try to help, so this song could brought an intention towards the people in africa and provides a large amount of investment for them ,by rich people from other side of world . In addition, music has the same language among different ages of people and it is easy to underestand. A child could listen to the same music as an alderly person, which can simpley make a bond among these generations. For example, national music of each country is memorised by all population of that specific country that keeps them all together singing while special occasions like olympics winning or even winning a war, so this can strongly share same feelings between all people on that moment and keeps them together despite their age or education level. In conclusion, people from different cultures and ages could be brought together via music which I believe that it is connecting all regions of world together and it is the easiest language among different generation.
Here is the corrected version: People often claim that music is one of the most effective ways of bringing together people from different cultures and age groups. I strongly agree with this statement, and this essay will argue that music facilitates connections between diverse nations and serves as a universal language across all generations. Music is one of the simplest ways to connect people worldwide. It can be understood by individuals even if they do not speak the language. For instance, Michael Jackson sang songs in English about African people facing difficult living conditions. These songs evoked similar emotions among listeners from various countries, raising awareness of the issue and inspiring many to offer assistance. Consequently, this music drew attention to Africa's challenges and encouraged substantial financial support from wealthy individuals across the globe. Furthermore, music serves as a common language that transcends age barriers. A child might enjoy the same music as an elderly person, creating bonds between generations. For example, every country's national music is remembered by its entire population, uniting people during special occasions such as Olympic victories or wartime triumphs. Such shared musical experiences foster collective emotions among all citizens regardless of age or educational background, strengthening social cohesion. In conclusion, music has the power to unite people across cultural and generational divides. I believe it connects all regions of the world and serves as the most accessible form of communication between different age groups.
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Overall Band Score
5.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
weak
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Feedback on Your Essay

Task Achievement

  • Your essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear opinion, agreeing that music unites people across cultures and ages. However, the argument could be more developed with additional examples or deeper analysis.
  • Some points are repetitive (e.g., "music is easy to understand" is mentioned multiple times without much variation).
  • The example of Michael Jackson is relevant but could be more detailed (e.g., mentioning the song title or specific impact).
  • The conclusion restates the opinion but does not summarize key points effectively.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • The essay has a logical structure (introduction, body paragraphs, conclusion), but transitions between ideas could be smoother.
  • Some sentences are awkwardly phrased, making the flow less natural (e.g., "music provides inreconnection of variety of countries").
  • The second body paragraph jumps from Michael Jackson to national music without a clear link. A transition sentence would help.
  • Repetition of "underestand" (should be "understand") and other minor errors affect readability.

Lexical Resource

  • There are some spelling and word choice errors (e.g., "inreconnection," "alderly," "memorised").
  • Vocabulary is somewhat limited—phrases like "good ways," "simple ways," and "same feeling" could be more varied (e.g., "powerful medium," "shared emotions").
  • Some expressions are unclear or unnatural (e.g., "brought an intention towards the people in africa").

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Several grammatical errors affect clarity:
    • Subject-verb agreement: "Michel Jacson, sang songs in english about african people who were in bad situation of life" → "Michael Jackson sang songs in English about African people who were in difficult situations."
    • Tense inconsistency: "this song could brought" → "this song could bring."
    • Article misuse: "a large amount of investment for them ,by rich people" → "a large amount of investment from wealthy individuals."
    • Run-on sentences: The second body paragraph has overly long sentences that could be split for clarity.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Expand and refine examples: Provide more specific details (e.g., song names, historical events).
  2. Improve transitions: Use linking words (e.g., "Furthermore," "Moreover") to connect ideas smoothly.
  3. Proofread for grammar and spelling: Review verb tenses, articles, and word forms.
  4. Vary vocabulary: Replace repetitive phrases with more precise terms.
  5. Clarify awkward phrasing: Rewrite unclear sentences for better flow.

Overall, your essay presents a clear stance but would benefit from more precise language, stronger examples, and better grammatical control. Keep practicing!