Writing evaluation result for: Do you think it is better for students to work before their university study? Why? - Balang

Question: Do you think it is better for students to work before their university study? Why?...

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In schools, students learn to analyse literature, calculate using trigonometry and understand how photosynthesis works, but often students are inexperienced and helpless after graduation when encountering the real world. It is therefore argued that schools should teach their students how to survive financially in the world. This topic is difficult, though. Many educators believe that a school is supposed to teach students in subjects that they will most probably not encounter again post-graduation, so that teachers can develop open-minded and well-informed individuals. At the same time, it can be argued that schools should impart skills that would be applicable in everyday life. Mathematics, for example, is supposed to not only communicate actual mathematicsmathematical skills, but also teach logic to students. However, schools are supposed to prepare the youths for their lives following high school. Currently this goal is not fully met, as often students are unable to handle their finances sensibly and therefore can often face significant problems. Schools that teach students how to survive financially could change this. This significant shift in the ideology of education is unlikely to take place soon, as the education system has been in place for too long to be easily changed. Also, a change of this scale would be costly, as teachers would have to be trained and a syllabus for this potential subject would have to be created. However, in some countries, for example Germany, a community subject is available in which politics and finances are discussed. This leaves students from Germany in a better situation to deal with finances in their lives. In conclusion, I believe that training school students in financial matters would be very useful. Adding new content to the syllabus would require a significant amount of money, but the entire community would benefit from students being better prepared for adult life.

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Overall Band Score

6.5

Overview

Vocabulary Range

strong

Linking Words

strong

Spelling

strong

Grammar Accuracy

strong

Grammar Range

strong

Cohesion

strong

Paragraph Structure

strong

Task Response

weak

Word Count

sufficient

While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Thank you for your essay. Here is feedback based on IELTS writing criteria:

Task Response:
Your essay does not fully address the prompt, which asks whether it is better for students to work before university study. Instead, your essay focuses on whether schools should teach financial survival skills. This is a different topic, so your response is not directly relevant to the question. Make sure to answer the specific question asked in the prompt.

Coherence and Cohesion:
Your essay is well-organized, with clear paragraphs and logical progression of ideas. However, since the content is off-topic, the coherence in relation to the prompt is lacking.

Lexical Resource:
You use a good range of vocabulary (e.g., "impart skills," "significant shift in ideology," "syllabus"), and your word choice is generally accurate.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy:
Your grammar is strong, with mostly error-free sentences and a variety of structures.

Overall:
While your writing is clear and well-structured, you must address the specific question to meet IELTS criteria. Always ensure your essay directly answers the prompt.