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Question: It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their perso...

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Taking risks should be considered as a significant issue, impacting both professional and personal aspects of life. I believe that while taking risks may lead to health problems and various struggles, it can cultivate resilience and resultsresult in personal growth, which is considerably invaluable. Dealing with unfamiliar situations strengthenstrengthens capabilities to overcome challenges. People often follow routines in their lives to avoid what may instillinstil a sense of hazard tofor them. howeverHowever, experiencing difficulties not only can promote an individual’s abilities to withstand in unpleasant situations but also may bring opportunities tofor them to find a room for progression. Moreover, some people take risks to fulfil their curiosity and adventurous characteristiccharacteristics. These individuals feel satisfied while Facingfacing new things. Satisfaction ofin life culminates in the development of emotional and mental statuswell-being. Taking risks may facilitate addressing difficulties if people have strong resilience and determination. Increasing the stress levels may jeopardise a risk taker’s well-being. This means that people undergo extreme mental pressures which can cause irreversible consequences. Chronic diseasediseases, for instance, hypertension and heart disease, may result from investing entire assets in a certain area, such as production or marketing. Losing wholeall of an investment leads to bankruptcy, which putputs high levels of mental pressure on losers, resulting in anxiety and aggression. Additionally, aggressive behaviorsbehaviours negatively affect an individual’s relationships. If people feel that their propertiesproperty or validity might be at stake, they are unable to conduct their interactions effectively. As a result, they may struggle with their families and friends, and experience communication failurefailures, leading to isolation and depression. In conclusion, in my opinion, risk takers likely endure intense tension and physical problems, as well as solitude due to the lack of positive communication; however, they can enhance their personal skills as notable advantages serve as the main factors ofin becoming successful in various aspects of life bythrough a strong mentality throughby facing different challenges.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Taking risks should be considered as a significant issue, impacting both professional and personal aspects of life. I believe that while taking risks may lead to health problems and various struggles, it can cultivate resilience and results in personal growth, which is considerably invaluable.
Taking risks should be considered a significant issue that impacts both the professional and personal aspects of life. I believe that while taking risks may lead to health problems and various struggles, it can also cultivate resilience and result in personal growth, which is invaluable.
Dealing with unfamiliar situations strengthen capabilities to overcome challenges. People often follow routines in their lives to avoid what may instill a sense of hazard to them. however, experiencing difficulties not only can promote individual’s abilities to withstand in unpleasant situations but also may bring opportunities to them to find a room for progression. Moreover, some people take risks to fulfil their curiosity and adventurous characteristic. These individuals feel satisfied while Facing new things. Satisfaction of life culminates in the development of emotional and mental status. Taking risks may facilitate addressing difficulties if people have strong resilience and determination.
Dealing with unfamiliar situations strengthens an individual's ability to overcome challenges. People often follow routines in their lives to avoid what may instill a sense of danger. However, experiencing difficulties not only promotes an individual’s ability to withstand unpleasant situations but also provides opportunities for personal progression. Moreover, some people take risks to fulfill their curiosity and adventurous nature. These individuals feel satisfied when facing new experiences. Life satisfaction culminates in the development of emotional and mental well-being. Taking risks can facilitate the ability to address difficulties if individuals possess strong resilience and determination.
Increasing the stress levels may jeopardise risk taker’s well-being. This means that people undergo extreme mental pressures which can cause irreversible consequences. Chronic disease, for instance, hypertension and heart disease may result from investing entire assets in a certain area, such as production or marketing. Losing whole of investment leads to bankruptcy which put high levels of mental pressure on losers, resulting in anxiety and aggression. Additionally, aggressive behaviors negatively affect individual’s relationships. If people feel that their properties or validity might be at stake, they unable to conduct their interactions effectively. As a result, they may struggle with their families and friends, and experience communication failure, leading to isolation and depression.
However, increased stress levels may jeopardize a risk-taker’s well-being. This means that individuals may undergo extreme mental pressure, which can lead to irreversible consequences. Chronic diseases, such as hypertension and heart disease, may result from investing all their assets in a particular area, such as production or marketing. Losing an entire investment can lead to bankruptcy, which places immense mental pressure on individuals, resulting in anxiety and aggression. Additionally, aggressive behaviors can negatively affect personal relationships. If people feel that their possessions or credibility are at stake, they may struggle to conduct their interactions effectively. As a result, they may experience conflicts with family and friends, leading to communication breakdowns, isolation, and depression.
In conclusion, in my opinion risk takers likely endure intense tension and physical problems , as well as solitude due to the lack of positive communication; however, they can enhance their personal skills as notable advantages serve as the main factors of becoming successful in various aspects of life by strong mentality through facing different challenges.
In conclusion, in my opinion, risk-takers are likely to endure intense stress and physical problems, as well as isolation due to a lack of positive communication. However, they can enhance their personal skills, which serve as significant advantages and are key factors in achieving success in various aspects of life through a strong mentality and the ability to face different challenges.
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Overall Band Score
6
Overview
Vocabulary Range
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Linking Words
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Spelling
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Grammar Accuracy
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Grammar Range
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Cohesion
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Paragraph Structure
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Task Response
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Word Count
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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks in professional and personal lives. However, the conclusion could be more explicit in stating whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, as the prompt specifically asks for this evaluation.
  • Ideas and Examples: The essay provides a balanced view with examples of both positive and negative outcomes of risk-taking. However, the examples could be more specific and detailed to strengthen the argument. For instance, mentioning specific scenarios or case studies where risk-taking led to significant personal or professional growth would enhance the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For example, using linking words or phrases to connect the discussion of personal growth with the potential negative impacts would improve the flow.
  • Cohesion: Some sentences could be better connected to improve the overall cohesion. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of risk-taking to the potential health risks could be more seamless with appropriate linking phrases.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with words like "resilience," "adventurous," and "bankruptcy." However, there are some awkward phrases and word choices, such as "Facing new things" and "Losing whole of investment," which could be refined for clarity and precision.
  • Spelling and Word Form: There are minor errors in word forms and spelling, such as "individual’s abilities" (should be "individuals' abilities") and "risk taker’s well-being" (should be "risk takers' well-being").

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, but some sentences are overly complex or awkwardly constructed, which can obscure meaning. For example, "Dealing with unfamiliar situations strengthen capabilities to overcome challenges" should be "Dealing with unfamiliar situations strengthens one's capabilities to overcome challenges."
  • Grammar: There are several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("experiencing difficulties not only can promote individual’s abilities" should be "can not only promote individuals' abilities") and punctuation errors (e.g., missing commas).

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Clarify the Conclusion: Clearly state whether the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages, as this is the main focus of the prompt.
  2. Enhance Examples: Provide more specific and detailed examples to support your points, which will make your argument more convincing.
  3. Improve Transitions: Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow between paragraphs and ideas.
  4. Refine Language: Pay attention to word choice and sentence structure to ensure clarity and precision.
  5. Check Grammar: Review the essay for grammatical errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and punctuation, to improve accuracy.

By addressing these areas, the essay can be more effective in conveying its argument and meeting the IELTS writing criteria.