Writing evaluation result for: Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a... - Balang

Question: Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successf...

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There are different arguesarguments about becoming successful individuals after school studies. Some individuals consider starting a business as a better way to be benefitted benefit compared to getting the higher educational levels. From my perspective it is the higher educational level that helphelps people to become satisfied in the future. On one hand, younger people who launch a business after their graduation benefittedbenefit from different aspects. Firstly, they are able to earn money earlier. Secondly, it seems to be easier to start a family and settle their own house as they are able to afford their personal belongings. Thirdly, by joining the workforce, this group areis able to gain the real experience as real job condition isconditions are really constructive and instructive as well. itIt is true that the more experience you gain, the more professional theyyou will become. Therefore, learning practical skills leadleads to achieving job promotions. On the other hand, nowadays, achieving a university qualification is a super duper. I argue that, people are not able to be a doctor or lawyer without studying at the university. This educational qualification not only helps them to gain a good understanding about their field, but also letlets them to make helpful interactions, which would be practical in the rest of their professional career period. What makes me more tendency about climbing the educational level is that it lets the educated to make more money in the future compared to workerworkers who don't have any qualification, although it is more time consuming. In conclusion, based on the reasons mentioned above, I insist that studying should be considered as the best way of becoming an obsesseda successful person in the future.

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Overall Band Score

5

Overview

Vocabulary Range

average

Linking Words

average

Spelling

average

Grammar Accuracy

weak

Grammar Range

average

Cohesion

average

Paragraph Structure

average

Task Response

average

Word Count

sufficient

While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Your essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views and providing your own opinion, which is a strong aspect. You present clear arguments for each side, such as the benefits of early work experience and the advantages of higher education for certain professions. Your position is clear and consistent throughout the essay.

However, there are several areas for improvement. In terms of Task Response, some ideas are underdeveloped or unclear, such as the phrase "super duper" and "becoming an obsessed person," which do not convey your intended meaning. For Coherence and Cohesion, your essay would benefit from clearer topic sentences and more logical progression between ideas. Some sentences are long and lack punctuation, making them difficult to follow.

In terms of Lexical Resource, you use a range of vocabulary, but there are some awkward or incorrect word choices ("benefitted," "tendency about climbing the educational level"). For Grammatical Range and Accuracy, there are frequent errors in sentence structure, verb tense, and agreement.

Overall, your essay shows good effort and covers the task, but clearer expression, more precise vocabulary, and improved grammar would strengthen your response.