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Question: Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular ...

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Urbanization and modern life have presented people with several challenges and decisions,; the crux of the matter is related to environmental problems. Although it is thought by some that these days, the principleprincipal issue is rooted in losing especialspecial categories of plants and animals, others opine that there are some priorities in environmental obstacles. I consider that the environment is suffersuffering from air pollution more than the extinction of some rare and scarce animals and plants. On the one hand, many individuals believe that the problem of air pollution is more important than others because all creatures in the world need fresh air to live. In addition, the air is getting contaminated due to waste disposal in petrochemical companies that may emmite the green house gas emit greenhouse gases into the air, followed by melting glaciers and global warming. As a result, not only doesis it harmful forto human beings, but it also poses a threat to the lives of other creatures. On the other hand, some people think that the loss of especialspecial innocent creatures and plants would be the significant problem in the environment because trees and animals play a crucial role in the life cycle. For example, trees are sheltershelters and the habitateshabitats of many animals and supply humanhumans's foods food. However, underestimating the importance of considering the obtacleobstacle of air pollution and global warming is illogical because it can be regarded as a key step to live inliving on the blue planet. In conclusion, although the loss of some rare animals and plants would be one of the problems of the environment, contaminating the air in the contamporaycontemporary era, can be more arguable. Therefore, air pollution can ruin the cycle of living for more of creatures and destroy the nature of the blue planet by melting glaciers and global warming.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Urbanization and modern life have presented people with several challenges and decisions, the crux of the matter is related to environmental problems. Although it is thought by some that these days, the principle issue is rooted in losing especial categories of plants and animals, others opine that there are some priorities in environmental obstacles. I consider that the environment is suffer from air pollution more than extinction of some rare and scarce animals and plants.
Urbanization and modern life have presented people with several challenges and decisions, with the crux of the matter relating to environmental problems. While some believe that the principal issue today is the loss of specific categories of plants and animals, others argue that there are more pressing environmental challenges. I contend that air pollution poses a greater threat to the environment than the extinction of rare and endangered species.
On the one hand, many individuals believe that the problem of air pollution is more important than others because all creatures in the world need fresh air to live. In addition, the air is getting contaminated due to waste disposal in petrochemical companies that may emmite the green house gas into the air, followed by melting glaciers and global warming. As a result, not only does it harmful for human beings, but also poses a threat to the lives of other creatures.
On one hand, many individuals believe that air pollution is a more critical problem than others because all living beings require clean air to survive. Furthermore, the air is becoming increasingly contaminated due to waste disposal from petrochemical companies, which emit greenhouse gases into the atmosphere, contributing to melting glaciers and global warming. As a result, this pollution not only harms human health but also poses a significant threat to the survival of other species.
On the other hand, some people think that loss of especial innocent creatures and plants would be the significant problem in the environment because trees and animals play a crucial role in life cycle. For example, trees are shelter and the habitates of many animals and supply human's foods. However, underestimating the importance of considering the obtacle of air pollution and global warming is illogical because it can be regarded as a key step to live in the blue planet.
On the other hand, some people argue that the loss of innocent creatures and plants is a significant environmental issue because trees and animals play crucial roles in the ecosystem. For instance, trees provide shelter and habitat for many animals and supply food for humans. However, underestimating the importance of addressing air pollution and global warming is illogical, as these issues are fundamental to sustaining life on our planet.
In conclusion, although loss of some rare animals and plants would be one of the problems of the environment, contaminating the air in the contamporay era, can be more arguable. Therefore, air pollution can ruin the cycle of living more of creatures and destroy the nature of blue planet by melting glaciers and global warming.
In conclusion, while the loss of rare animals and plants is indeed a pressing environmental concern, air pollution in the contemporary era is arguably a more critical issue. Therefore, addressing air pollution is essential for preserving the delicate balance of life and protecting the natural environment, as it contributes to the melting of glaciers and exacerbates global warming.
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Overall Band Score
5.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
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Linking Words
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Spelling
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Grammar Accuracy
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Grammar Range
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Cohesion
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Task Response
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Word Count
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Task Achievement

  • Addressing the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on environmental problems: the loss of species and other issues like air pollution. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced discussion of both views. The argument for air pollution is more developed than the argument for the loss of species.
  • Position: Your position is clear; you believe air pollution is a more pressing issue than the loss of species. However, it would be beneficial to provide more specific examples or evidence to support your stance.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Structure: The essay is structured with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This is a good approach, but the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition from discussing air pollution to the loss of species could be more seamless.
  • Cohesion: Use of cohesive devices (e.g., "On the one hand," "On the other hand," "In conclusion") is evident, but some sentences could be better connected to enhance the flow of ideas. Consider using linking words or phrases to connect ideas within paragraphs more effectively.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrases, such as "especial categories" and "contamporay era." Aim to use more precise and varied vocabulary to express your ideas clearly.
  • Word Choice: Be cautious with word choice to ensure clarity. For example, "habitates" should be "habitats," and "obtacle" should be "obstacle."

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Grammar: There are several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("the environment is suffer"), incorrect verb forms ("emmite" should be "emit"), and article usage ("the blue planet" should be "the Blue Planet").
  • Sentence Structure: Some sentences are complex, but there are instances of awkward phrasing and run-on sentences. Aim to vary sentence structures and ensure each sentence is clear and concise.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Balance the Discussion: Provide a more balanced discussion of both views by elaborating on the importance of biodiversity and the consequences of losing species.
  2. Enhance Cohesion: Use more linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas between and within paragraphs.
  3. Improve Vocabulary and Grammar: Work on expanding your vocabulary and correcting grammatical errors to enhance clarity and precision.
  4. Provide Examples: Use specific examples or data to support your arguments, making your essay more persuasive and informative.

By addressing these areas, your essay will be more coherent, persuasive, and aligned with the IELTS writing criteria.