Question: Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subj...
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People have different points of view about molti-tasking,multitasking; while some people think that students should consentratconcentrate on their professions, others believe,that if students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects, we should let them do this. I reckon studying extra majors would benefitebenefit the students, so I'm agree with the second group.
On the one hand, studying many different fields could end into disassterin disaster. AdditionalyAdditionally, when a student starts to learn different subjects, he or she will loseslose his or her attention to the main subject,; as a result, they will losewaste their time for studying an unrealeventirrelevant subject, or even lose their money for submitingsubmitting to the field. However, studying a spescificspecific major would helpshelp the studentsto be more serious forabout their future career opourtunitiesopportunities, as they know it's their only chance, so they will try more for gettingharder to get higher scores or doingdo more resarchesresearch rather than waistingwaste time for finding extra different lessons. My aunt, who is now 36 years old, had done didthe same thing. When she was in the last year of economyseconomics, she just decided to change her major. EventhoughEven though she changed it, but she waswasn'ntt satisfied with her new major tooeither, so she changed it again, at; in the end, she never got the chance for finishingto finish a specieficspecific field and she faced miscarriagedifficulties.
On the other hand, those who have knowledge about different subjects are more hopefull tohopeful about the future. For instance, a student who knows different sciences has more options to choose from for future jobjobs. In contrast, inon some occasions, if they failefail in a particular job, they won't be succumbed. Asdiscouraged, as they have other chances to try to. Another positive point is that they can have many jobs in the future at the same time,; for example, in my country nowadays, due to some reccesionsrecessions, it's necessary to have two or three jobs. AndThey will also they will have a potentstrong personality againstwhen facing problems, as they have learntlearned to handle different things at the same time.
In conclusion, I assume the positive points of studying extra subjects are moregreater than the negative points of it. Although there is a possibility of losing money, time, attention, ect. But etc.,there is aalso the possibility of being hopefullhopeful and openmindedopen-minded and also having a strong personality.
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Task Response
Addressing the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on whether university students should focus solely on their main subjects or explore additional subjects. The writer provides their opinion, aligning with the view that studying extra subjects is beneficial.
Development of Ideas: The essay presents arguments for both sides, but the development of ideas could be more balanced. The second viewpoint, which the writer supports, is not as thoroughly developed as the first. Providing more examples or elaborating on the benefits of studying additional subjects could strengthen the argument.
Conclusion: The conclusion summarizes the writer's stance but could be more definitive. It would be beneficial to restate the main reasons supporting the opinion more clearly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organization: The essay is organized into paragraphs that each address a specific point. However, the transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother. Using linking words and phrases would help improve the flow of the essay.
Cohesion: Some sentences and ideas are not well-connected, which affects the overall coherence. For instance, the anecdote about the writer's aunt could be better integrated into the argument to illustrate the point more effectively.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary: The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., "molti-tasking," "consentrat," "benefite," "disasster," "unrealevent," "spescific," "opourtunities," "waisting," "economys," "speciefic," "miscarriage," "hopefull," "faile," "succumbed," "reccesions," "potent," "ect."). These errors can distract the reader and affect the clarity of the essay.
Word Choice: Some word choices are inappropriate or awkward (e.g., "potent personality," "miscarriage" instead of "failure"). More precise vocabulary would enhance the clarity and impact of the arguments.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar: The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., "he or she will loses"), incorrect verb forms (e.g., "I'm agree"), and sentence fragments. These errors can impede understanding and should be addressed.
Sentence Structure: The essay includes a mix of simple and complex sentences, but some sentences are overly long or convoluted, which can confuse the reader. Breaking down complex ideas into simpler sentences could improve readability.
Recommendations
Proofreading: Carefully proofread the essay to correct spelling and grammatical errors.
Balance and Development: Ensure both viewpoints are equally developed and supported with examples or evidence.
Cohesion: Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Vocabulary: Expand vocabulary and ensure word choices are appropriate for the context.
Clarity: Simplify complex sentences to enhance clarity and understanding.