Question: Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subj...
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Students nowadays think differently about the time they spend in university. While some of them think they should only focus inon getting their degree, others prefer to learn other things outoutside of their curriculum. I strongly believe that college time should be used to acquire a wider range of sciencesknowledge than only getting their qualification. To begin with, the more topics a student learnlearns, the better understanding hethey will have about life. As the famous saying goes, knowledge is power. This means they will be more prepared for anything that might faceconfront them in the future. This extra informationsinformation can come in handy in different ways,; for example, people who take drawing classes besidesalongside their engineering degree are found to be more artistic in their designs.
In contrarycontrast, others lookslook at it differently. Some critics may argue that a qualification is not just a piece of paper. They believe that once you commit to something, you should go all the way through it and give it all your time. Hence, they think this means all available time should be focused inon the major subject. However, I think humans are multitasking creatures howwho can always concentrate on morethanmore than just one thing. AtIn the end, it is all about time management strategies.
In conclusion, how people deal with their university programs can really differ. Some choose to only study their mandatory topics,; others go further outside of the box. I believe great achievements can be donemade in those years rather than to stay stayingstrict to specific degree requirements.
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Task Response
Addressing the Prompt: The essay addresses both views as required by the prompt. It discusses the benefits of learning additional subjects and the perspective of focusing solely on the main qualification.
Position: Your position is clear; you support the idea of learning beyond the main subject. However, it would be beneficial to elaborate more on why you hold this opinion, perhaps by providing more examples or evidence.
Development: The essay could benefit from more detailed examples or evidence to support the points made. For instance, you mention that students who take drawing classes are more artistic in their designs, but this could be expanded with more specific examples or studies.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organization: The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each addressing a different aspect of the discussion. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For example, the transition from discussing the benefits of learning additional subjects to the opposing view could be more seamless.
Cohesion: Use of cohesive devices (e.g., "To begin with," "In contrary," "In conclusion") is present, but some are used incorrectly or awkwardly. For example, "In contrary" should be "On the contrary."
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary: The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are some errors and awkward phrases. For example, "extra informations" should be "extra information," and "how can always concentrate" should be "who can always concentrate."
Range: There is a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it could be expanded further to enhance the essay's sophistication.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar: There are several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("a student learn" should be "a student learns") and incorrect prepositions ("focus in" should be "focus on").
Sentence Structure: The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentences, but some sentences are awkwardly constructed. For example, "This means they will be more prepared for anything that might face them in the future" could be rephrased for clarity.
Suggestions for Improvement
Expand on Examples: Provide more detailed examples or evidence to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
Improve Transitions: Work on making transitions between ideas smoother to improve the overall flow of the essay.
Enhance Vocabulary and Grammar: Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and try to use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely.
Clarify Your Position: While your position is clear, further elaboration on why you hold this view would add depth to your argument.
Overall, the essay presents a clear position and addresses the prompt, but it would benefit from more detailed support, improved transitions, and greater attention to grammatical accuracy.