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Question: Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you t...

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Mobile phones, nowadays, containscontain essential features withfor entertainment alsoas well. There has been a large growth seen in usage hours of smartphones among youngsters. There are several reasorisreasons behind this situation, and I find this development more beneficial than negative. Both the reasons and my view isare elaborated further. The first reason for overusagethe overuse of smart devices by youngsters is the social benefit they provide. The smart phone smartphone connected withto the internet opens up the large possibilities, from creating new friends to communicating with them over social media. For instance, a child in my neighbourhood chats for hours with his school friends over Facebook (a social media platform) and also spendspends time overon an online video -sharing phone application. Moreover, the mobile gaming, speciallyespecially multiplayer games, is another major reason for the situation. Children playsplay different kindkinds of games overon mobile for the entertainment purposepurposes, and they involve themselves in games in such a manner, that they forget about the timingtime and other work to do. However, I believe that smartphones have also increased the knowledge of pupils. It hasThey have developed some important social skills, such as communication skillskills, team work teamwork, and many more, by allowing them to work and play in groups, without the restriction of distance. In addition, children can learn through the internet by watchinwatching online videos and reading articles, which ultimately helps them in their studies as well as language skills. For example, whenever my niece requireneeds to know about something, heshe searches for it overon the internet and learns from it. Moreover, multiplayer online gaming improves their multitasking ability, and it also gives them a competitive environment. Overall, I agree that overusagethe overuse of smartphones on a regular basis is harmful for them, but if given proper guidance, mobile phones can help them in learning some life-longlifelong skills.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
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Mobile phones, nowadays, contains essential features with entertainment also. There has been a large growth seen in usage hours of smartphones among youngsters There are several reasoris behind this situation and I find this development more beneficial than negative. Both the reasons and my view is elaborated further.
Mobile phones nowadays contain essential features that also provide entertainment. There has been a significant increase in the number of hours that youngsters spend using smartphones. Several reasons contribute to this trend, and I find this development to be more beneficial than detrimental. Both the reasons and my perspective are elaborated further.
The first reason for overusage of smart devices by youngsters is the social benefit they provide The smart phone connected with internet opens up the large possibilities, from creating new friends to communicating with them over social media. For instance, a child in my neighbourhood chats for hours with his school friends over Facebook (a social media) and also spend time over online video sharing phone application. Moreover, the mobile gaming, specially multiplayer games, is another major reason for the situation. Children plays different kind of games over mobile for the entertainment purpose and they involve themselves in games in such a manner, that they forget about the timing and other work to do.
The first reason for the excessive use of smart devices by youngsters is the social benefits they provide. Smartphones connected to the internet open up vast possibilities, from making new friends to communicating with them via social media. For instance, a child in my neighborhood chats for hours with his school friends on Facebook and also spends time on online video-sharing applications. Moreover, mobile gaming, especially multiplayer games, is another major factor contributing to this situation. Children play various types of games on their mobile devices for entertainment, often becoming so engrossed that they lose track of time and neglect other responsibilities.
However, I believe that smartphones have also increased the knowledge of pupils. It has developed some important social skills, such as communication skill, team work and many more, by allowing them to work and play in groups, without the restriction of distance. In addition, children can learn through internet by watchin online videos and reading articles, which ultimately helps them in their studies as well as language skills. For example, whenever my niece require to know about something, he searches it over the internet and learns from it. Moreover, multiplayer online gaming improves their multitasking ability and it also gives them a competitive environment
However, I believe that smartphones have also enhanced the knowledge of students. They have developed important social skills, such as communication and teamwork, by allowing them to collaborate and play in groups without the constraints of distance. Additionally, children can learn through the internet by watching online videos and reading articles, which ultimately aids them in their studies and language skills. For example, whenever my niece needs to learn about something, she searches for it online and gains valuable information. Furthermore, multiplayer online gaming improves their multitasking abilities and provides a competitive environment.
Overall, I agree that overusage of smartphones on regular basis is harmful for them, but if given proper guidance, mobile phones can help them in learning some life-long skills
Overall, I agree that excessive use of smartphones on a regular basis can be harmful; however, with proper guidance, mobile phones can help youngsters acquire valuable lifelong skills.
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Overall Band Score
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Task Achievement

  • Addressing the Prompt: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing why children spend hours on smartphones and evaluating whether this is a positive or negative development. However, the reasons provided could be more comprehensive. For instance, the essay could explore additional factors such as parental influence, the role of technology in education, or the addictive nature of apps.
  • Position: The writer clearly states their position, arguing that the development is more beneficial than negative. This position is supported with examples, although the balance between positive and negative aspects could be more thoroughly explored.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing social benefits to gaming could be better connected.
  • Cohesive Devices: The use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited. Phrases like "Moreover," "For instance," and "In addition" are used, but more varied linking words and phrases could enhance the flow of the essay.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The vocabulary is generally appropriate, but there are some errors and awkward phrases, such as "overusage" (which should be "overuse") and "watchin" (which should be "watching"). Additionally, the phrase "smart devices" could be varied with synonyms like "mobile devices" or "handheld gadgets" to avoid repetition.
  • Spelling and Word Choice: There are several spelling errors, such as "reasoris" (should be "reasons") and "require" (should be "requires"). Attention to these details would improve the overall quality of the writing.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentences, but some sentences are awkwardly constructed or contain grammatical errors. For example, "Mobile phones, nowadays, contains essential features with entertainment also" should be "Mobile phones nowadays contain essential features, including entertainment."
  • Grammar: There are several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("contains" should be "contain") and incorrect verb forms ("plays" should be "play"). These errors detract from the clarity and professionalism of the writing.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Expand on Reasons: Provide a broader range of reasons why children spend time on smartphones, such as educational apps or parental influence.
  2. Balance the Argument: While the essay argues that smartphone use is beneficial, it should also acknowledge and explore the potential negative impacts more thoroughly.
  3. Enhance Cohesion: Use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
  4. Improve Language Accuracy: Pay attention to spelling, grammar, and word choice to enhance clarity and professionalism.
  5. Vary Vocabulary: Use synonyms and varied expressions to avoid repetition and demonstrate a wider lexical range.

By addressing these areas, the essay can be more effective in communicating its ideas and meeting the IELTS writing criteria.