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Question: In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
In the present era, because of some improvements in medical science, life expectancy has increased among people and most people live longer than priviouspreviously. This phenomenon has some advantages and some disadvantegasdisadvantages, and it seems reasonable it'sits drawbacks outweight it'soutweigh its merits. On the one hand, existthe existence of old people can improve public life happiness. For instance, visiting grand parents grandparents is very pleasant for every body everybody, and they are a source of energy and delightnessdelight in every familiesfamily. Additionally, oldthe older generation areis experienced, and many of them are knowlagable knowledgeable; as a consequence, some of them have potential benefits for every societiessociety. forFor instance, The old proffesorsthe older professors who exist in universities are very expert and experienced, and they can instruct new scientistscientists for the future of the country. On the other hand, this trend creatcreates some problems for government and for people in societiysociety. These oldThis older generation in each countries needcountry needs extra funding for their especialspecial services, which are very expensive in the long term period for governments and even for their families. For example, these people need medical services, rare drugs, insurance, and most of them recive pensionreceive pensions. Moreover, old the older generation needneeds somebody to help them for doing with their daily activities, such as cooking food, because, most of them are ill and do not have enough energy to be active. As a result, their decsendentsdescendants should help them, and it has a negative impact on their personal lives because they should spend much time caring for caring their parents. In summary, from what has been discussed, it can be concluded that although an ageing population has a few benefits, it has more downsides for people and societies.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
In the present era, because of some improvements in medical science, life expectancy has increased among people and most people live longer than privious. This phenomenon has some advantages and some disadvantegas and it seems reasonable it's drawbacks outweight it's merits.
In the present era, due to advancements in medical science, life expectancy has increased, and most people live longer than before. This phenomenon has both advantages and disadvantages, and it seems reasonable to argue that its drawbacks outweigh its merits.
On the one hand, exist of old people can improve public life happiness. For instance, visiting grand parents is very pleasant for every body and they are source of energy and delightness in every families. Additionally, old generation are experienced and many of them are knowlagable as a consequence, some of them have potential benefits for every societies. for instance, The old proffesors who exist in universities are very expert and experienced and they can instruct new scientist for future of country.
On the one hand, the presence of older individuals can enhance public happiness. For instance, visiting grandparents is a delightful experience for everyone, as they are a source of energy and joy in families. Additionally, the older generation possesses valuable experience and knowledge; consequently, many of them can offer significant benefits to society. For example, the elderly professors in universities are highly skilled and experienced, and they can mentor new scientists for the future of the country.
On the other hand, this trend creat some problems for government and for people in societiy. These old generation in each countries need extra funding for their especial services which are very expensive in long term period for governments and even for their families. For example, these people need medical services, rare drugs , insurance and most of them recive pension. Moreover, old generation need somebody to help them for doing their daily activities such as cooking food because, most of them are ill and do not have enough energy to be active. As a result, their decsendents should help them, and it has negative impact on their personal lives because they should spend much time for caring their parents.
On the other hand, this trend creates several challenges for governments and society. The older generation in each country requires additional funding for specialized services, which can be quite expensive in the long term for both governments and their families. For instance, these individuals often need medical services, rare medications, insurance, and many of them receive pensions. Moreover, the elderly require assistance with daily activities, such as cooking, because many are ill and lack the energy to be active. As a result, their descendants must provide care, which negatively impacts their personal lives as they must dedicate significant time to looking after their parents.
In summary, from what has been discussed it can be concluded that although ageing population has few benefits it has more downsides for people and societies.
In summary, based on the discussion, it can be concluded that although an aging population has some benefits, it presents more challenges for individuals and society as a whole.
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Overall Band Score
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Overview
Vocabulary Range
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Linking Words
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Grammar Accuracy
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Grammar Range
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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of an aging population. However, the conclusion could be more explicitly linked to the prompt by clearly stating whether the advantages or disadvantages outweigh the other.
  • Examples and Support: The essay provides examples, such as the role of grandparents and experienced professors, to support the advantages. However, the examples could be more detailed and specific to strengthen the argument. The disadvantages are also supported with examples, but they could benefit from more statistical or factual data to enhance credibility.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, using linking words like "Furthermore" or "In contrast" can help guide the reader through the argument.
  • Cohesion: Some sentences could be better connected to improve the flow of ideas. For example, the transition from discussing the happiness brought by grandparents to the expertise of older professors could be more seamless.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., "privious" instead of "previous," "disadvantegas" instead of "disadvantages," "delightness" instead of "delight," "knowlagable" instead of "knowledgeable," "proffesors" instead of "professors," "recive" instead of "receive," "decsendents" instead of "descendants"). These errors can detract from the overall impression.
  • Word Choice: Some word choices are awkward or incorrect, such as "exist of old people" which should be "the presence of elderly people."

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Grammar: The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("exist of old people can improve" should be "the existence of elderly people can improve") and incorrect use of articles ("an aging population" instead of "aging population").
  • Sentence Structure: There are some run-on sentences and fragments that could be revised for clarity. For example, "because, most of them are ill and do not have enough energy to be active" could be rephrased for better readability.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Proofreading: Carefully proofread the essay to correct spelling and grammatical errors.
  2. Clarity and Precision: Use precise language and avoid vague terms. Ensure that each sentence clearly contributes to the argument.
  3. Transitions: Use more transitional phrases to improve the flow between paragraphs and ideas.
  4. Support with Data: Where possible, include data or statistics to support claims, especially when discussing the disadvantages related to government spending.
  5. Conclusion: Strengthen the conclusion by clearly stating whether the advantages or disadvantages of an aging population are more significant, directly addressing the prompt's requirement to weigh them against each other.

By addressing these areas, the essay can be improved to better meet the IELTS writing criteria.