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Question: It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To...

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Being thoughtful ofabout the future is a crucial act. I am of the opinion that everyone in society, especially the young community, must be forward-thinking, and consider saving money for rainy days. To begin with, life is not predictable, and no one can surely forecast the comingupcoming events. People may be in a good financial statusposition one day, and the othernext day they cannot even afford the basic daily costs. Consequently, saving money helps overcome these hardships of life. In this case, you would experience less stress and anxiety since you have a monetaryfinancial source to rely on. An amateur businessman might experience the best days of their career at first,; however, the next day, due to the economicaleconomic situation of the country, they go bankrupt. If they have a savings account, they have fewer worries about the future, and can also can use it to enhance their conditions. Another argument for this is the fact that young people have just started their lives, and they should take on the responsibilities in the near future. Moreover, they are going to work independently and make their own families, so it is good for them to have a budget whichthat they can use to start a business or buy a house of their own. A person who is in their twenties, for instance, has various goals for their life, such as buying their dream car, or achieving financial independence; thus, if they want to make it come true, they must start setting aside the requirednecessary money as soon as possible, so hethey can purchase it earlier. In conclusion, I believe that putting money aside for the upcomingcoming days is an essential measure to take in adulthood. It makeshelps you overcome the unforeseen circumstances properly.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Being thoughtful of the future is a crucial act. I am of the opinion that everyone in society, especially the young community must be forward-thinking, and consider saving money for rainy days.
Being mindful of the future is a crucial endeavor. I believe that everyone in society, particularly the younger generation, must adopt a forward-thinking mindset and consider saving money for unforeseen circumstances.
To begin with, life is not predictable, and no one can surely forecast the coming events. People may be in a good financial status one day, and the other day they cannot even afford the basic daily costs. Consequently, saving money helps overcome these hardships of life. In this case, you would experience less stress and anxiety since you have a monetary source to rely on. An amateur businessman might experience the best days of their career at first, however, the next day due to the economical situation of the country, they go bankrupt. If they have a savings account, they have fewer worries about the future, and also can use it to enhance their conditions.
To begin with, life is unpredictable, and no one can accurately forecast future events. People may find themselves in a stable financial situation one day, only to struggle to afford basic daily expenses the next. Consequently, saving money can help individuals navigate these challenges. In such cases, having savings can significantly reduce stress and anxiety, as it provides a financial cushion to rely on. For instance, an aspiring entrepreneur may experience initial success, but due to the economic climate, they could face bankruptcy the following day. If they have a savings account, they will have fewer worries about the future and can use those funds to improve their circumstances.
Another argument for this is the fact that young people have just started their lives, and they should take the responsibilities in the near future. Moreover, they are going to work independently and make their own families, so it is good for them to have a budget which they can use to start a business or buy a house of their own. A person who is in their twenties, for instance, has various goals for their life, such as buying their dream car, or achieving financial independence; thus, if they want to make it come true, they must start setting aside the required money as soon as possible, so he can purchase it earlier.
Another important point is that young people are just beginning their adult lives and will soon take on greater responsibilities. As they prepare to work independently and establish their own families, it is beneficial for them to have a budget that allows them to start a business or purchase a home. For example, a person in their twenties may have various aspirations, such as buying their dream car or achieving financial independence. To turn these dreams into reality, they must begin setting aside the necessary funds as early as possible, enabling them to make these purchases sooner.
In conclusion, I believe that putting money aside for the upcoming days is an essential measure to take in adulthood. It makes you overcome the unforeseen circumstances properly.
In conclusion, I believe that saving money for the future is an essential practice in adulthood. It equips individuals to handle unforeseen circumstances effectively and fosters a sense of financial security.
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Overall Band Score
7.5
Overview
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Grammar Range
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Task Achievement

  • Strengths: The essay addresses the prompt effectively by discussing the importance of saving money for the future, particularly for young people. It provides clear reasons and examples to support the argument.
  • Areas for Improvement: The essay could benefit from a more balanced view by acknowledging potential counterarguments or reasons why some might disagree with the statement. This would demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Strengths: The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and the progression of ideas is logical.
  • Areas for Improvement: Use more cohesive devices to link ideas between sentences and paragraphs. For example, transitions such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "On the other hand" could enhance the flow of the essay.

Lexical Resource

  • Strengths: The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to finance and planning, such as "financial status," "monetary source," and "financial independence."
  • Areas for Improvement: Try to incorporate more varied and sophisticated vocabulary to demonstrate a higher level of lexical resource. Avoid repetition of words like "saving money" by using synonyms or paraphrasing.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Strengths: The essay generally demonstrates good grammatical control with correct sentence structures and verb tenses.
  • Areas for Improvement: Pay attention to minor grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement ("he can purchase it earlier" should be "they can purchase it earlier" to match the plural subject "young people"). Also, ensure consistency in pronoun use.

Overall Impression

The essay effectively argues in favor of saving money for the future, particularly for young people, with clear reasoning and examples. To enhance the response, consider addressing potential counterarguments, using more cohesive devices, expanding the range of vocabulary, and correcting minor grammatical errors. This will help in presenting a more balanced and sophisticated argument.