Question: It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their perso...
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It is claimed that people should do somethingssomething out of the ordinary no matter whether it is in their jobs or private lives. I affirm that the drawbacks of taking risks are eclipsed by itstheir benefits in the sense that itthey can lead to relationship breakdowns and insecurity in their careercareers.
OneOn the one hand, taking risks plays a crucial role in nurturing intellectual abilities. Moreover, if people put themselves in unpredictable situations, it may enable them to develop their problem-solving skills and how to tackle an obstacle efficiently whenever is needed. It may not only provide lifelong skills, but also make people braver. For instance, people who are persuaded to stickingstick to their regular plan, are less likely to explore new things. Additionally, the less brave they are, the more possibilitylikely they are to lose their control onof challenges and lack of sufficient management skills to take the control of things back.
OneOn the other hand, the ability to take risks, albeit beneficial, can lead to many problems in both career and personal livingslives. People who tend to experience new things, are more likely to made decisionmake decisions recklessly. Furthermore, unwell-poorly made decisions can endanger their relationships and their job opportunityopportunities because an adverse outcome impact on impactstheir whole lives. By attending some addictive games, for example, bet betting sites, they can lose a small fortune of their income on these games, which affectaffects the welfare of both their family and themselves. Thus, family members may become tired of this harmful attitude and decide to leave the causes becauseof these issues. A shining example is getting a divorce due to the lack of responsibility of people who have a tendency for takingto take risks.
In conclusion, while some people might consider taking risks as a positive concept, I believe the negative consequences of this action can be much more significant than the merits of it, in order to asit can lead to family separations and loss of career security.
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Task Achievement
Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks in professional and personal lives. However, the conclusion seems to contradict the initial stance. Initially, you affirm that the drawbacks are eclipsed by the benefits, but the conclusion suggests that the negative consequences outweigh the merits. Ensure consistency in your argument throughout the essay.
Development of Ideas: The essay provides examples and explanations for both sides of the argument, which helps in developing the ideas. However, the examples could be more specific and detailed to strengthen the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organization: The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition from discussing intellectual abilities to the potential problems could be more fluid.
Cohesive Devices: Use of cohesive devices like "moreover," "for instance," and "thus" is evident, but they could be used more effectively to enhance the flow of the essay. Consider using a wider range of linking words to connect ideas more seamlessly.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are some inaccuracies. For example, "somethings" should be "something," and "unwell-made decisions" should be "poorly made decisions."
Word Choice: Some word choices are awkward or incorrect, such as "livings" instead of "lives" and "a small fortune of their income" which could be rephrased for clarity.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence Structure: The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentences, which is good. However, there are several grammatical errors, such as "One the one hand" which should be "On the one hand," and "made decision recklessly" which should be "make decisions recklessly."
Grammar: Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage. For example, "an adverse outcome impact" should be "an adverse outcome impacts."
Suggestions for Improvement
Consistency in Argument: Ensure that your stance is consistent throughout the essay. If you believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, this should be clear in both the introduction and conclusion.
Specific Examples: Provide more specific and detailed examples to support your points. This will make your argument more convincing.
Grammar and Vocabulary: Review your essay for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Consider using a grammar checking tool to help identify and correct mistakes.
Cohesion: Work on using a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of your essay. This will help in making your argument more coherent and easier to follow.
By addressing these areas, you can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of your essay.