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Question: It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To...

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It is claimed that saving money for the future is crucial for individuals while the young personspeople are not an exeptionexception. I strongly agree that everyone should be responsiobleresponsible for their future unpredictable expenses,; however, some people may believe that thisit is the governmentsgovernment's responsibility to provide some financial assistance. In this essay, I will argue that why people should save money for the following years of their lifelives, even the youth. First and foremost, government supportivesupport schemes, albeit useful, isare not adequate due to the fact that the national budget should be allocated to different aspects efficiently. Thus. People, people should not be dependent on others' help in order to avoid a lack of responsibility for earnearning and savesaving money, which may preventsprevent them from enhancing their financial knowledge. Moreover, if a person does not have adequate knowledge about finance, means of investment, or unpredictable expenditureexpenditures, they are more likely to spentspend their money like water. However, governments can provide some incentive programs, such as, some finance courses for all ages, which contribute to risingraising public awareness about how to invest properly or what kinds of investments are much more suitable for their age group and income. Eventually, this it is people who should determine their future bythrough their wise decisions. Furthermore, this action provideprovides a sense of self-confidence whenever they invest and make profits. Thus, learning to save money promotepromotes not only numerous benefits for the future but also personal development. In conclusion, I affirm that it is a vital skill whichthat should be learned no matter in what age you are, due to its importanceimportant role in the present and future life for everybody.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
It is claimed that saving money for the future is crucial for individuals while the young persons are not an exeption. I strongly agree that everyone should be responsioble for their future unpredictable expenses, however some people may believe that this is the governments responsibility to provide some financial assistance. In this essay I will argue that why people should save money for the following years of their life even the youth.
It is claimed that saving money for the future is crucial for individuals, and young people are no exception. I strongly agree that everyone should be responsible for their future unpredictable expenses; however, some may believe that it is the government's responsibility to provide financial assistance. In this essay, I will argue why people, including the youth, should save money for the years ahead.
First and foremost, government supportive schemes, albeit useful, is not adequate due to the fact that national budget should be allocated to different aspects efficiently. Thus. People should not be dependent on others help in order to lack of responsibility for earn and save money may prevents them from enhancing their financial knowledge. Moreover, if a person does not have adequate knowledge about finance, means of investment or unpredictable expenditure, they are more likely to spent their money like water.
First and foremost, government support schemes, while useful, are not sufficient because the national budget must be allocated efficiently across various sectors. Therefore, individuals should not depend on others for help, as a lack of responsibility in earning and saving money may prevent them from enhancing their financial knowledge. Moreover, if a person does not possess adequate knowledge about finance, investment options, or unexpected expenses, they are more likely to spend their money recklessly.
However, governments can provide some incentive programs such as, some finance courses for all ages which contribute to rising public awareness about how invest properly or what kinds of investments are much more suitable for their age group and income. Eventually this is people who should determine their future by their wise decisions. Furthermore, this action provide a sense of self-confidence whenever they invest and make profits. Thus, learning to save money promote not only numerous benefits for future but also personal development.
However, governments can provide incentive programs, such as financial courses for all ages, which contribute to raising public awareness about how to invest properly and what types of investments are most suitable for different age groups and income levels. Ultimately, it is individuals who should determine their future through wise decisions. Furthermore, this approach fosters a sense of self-confidence when they invest and make profits. Thus, learning to save money promotes not only numerous benefits for the future but also personal development.
In conclusion, I affirm that it is a vital skill which should be learned no matter in what age you are due to its importance role in the present and future life for everybody.
In conclusion, I assert that saving money is a vital skill that should be learned at any age due to its significant role in both present and future life for everyone.
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Overall Band Score
6
Overview
Vocabulary Range
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Grammar Range
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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of saving money for the future, including for young people. It clearly states a position of strong agreement with the statement.
  • Development of Ideas: The essay provides reasons for the importance of saving money, such as the inadequacy of government support and the benefits of financial knowledge. However, the argument could be strengthened by providing more specific examples or evidence to support these points.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing government responsibility to individual responsibility could be more clearly articulated.
  • Cohesive Devices: Some cohesive devices are used, such as "First and foremost" and "However," but there are instances where the connections between sentences could be improved for better flow.

Lexical Resource

  • Range of Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with some attempts at more complex expressions (e.g., "unpredictable expenses," "financial knowledge").
  • Accuracy: There are several spelling and grammatical errors, such as "responsioble" (responsible), "prevents" (prevent), and "spent" (spend). These errors can detract from the clarity of the message.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structures: The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentences. However, some sentences are awkwardly constructed or contain grammatical errors, which can impede understanding (e.g., "Thus. People should not be dependent on others help in order to lack of responsibility for earn and save money may prevents them from enhancing their financial knowledge").
  • Grammar and Punctuation: There are several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect use of punctuation. For example, "Thus. People should not be dependent" should be "Thus, people should not be dependent."

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Provide Specific Examples: Strengthen your argument by including specific examples or scenarios that illustrate the importance of saving money.
  2. Improve Transitions: Work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
  3. Check for Errors: Carefully proofread your essay to correct spelling, grammatical, and punctuation errors. This will improve clarity and readability.
  4. Expand Vocabulary: Continue to expand your vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and effectively.

Overall, the essay presents a clear position and provides some reasoning, but it would benefit from more detailed support and improved language accuracy.