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Question: In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
Nowadays, businesses use advertisements to tell people that they have a new product that is different from others. I reckon whenever a company emphasizes something, there is a problem there, so on this occasion too I think it is a negative thing. First of all, I believe this occasion is due to competition and consumerism within society. In a society with consumerism, many companies will produce the exact same product, but at different prices so if anyone asks them why they are selling at a higher price while another company sells it at a lower price, they will answer because our product is different and we produced it with high-quality materials, while in fact they didn't. another side of competition is between individuals, everybody looks for something unique and special product which no one else has it, they want to be spectacular so if a company advertises that they have manufactured something new which is differ from others, so many people will go and buy that. In the last paragraph, I said in a consumerist society this kind of behaviorism is so common, but now I'm going to discuss about the effect of this kind of advertisement on individuals. I suppose companies regard advertisements as manipulating people and using cognitive psychological tricks. so when they tell people they have new products which have nothing incommone with others, people will think maybe I should look different. for example, a teenage girl who saw this advertisement on tv, want to hang out with freinds but she feels like she is suppose to be in different close than last time they saw each other so she will go aand buy new things, while she didnt need them at all. I believe this sort of advertisement has a big bad effect on society and makes people unsatisfied with their belongings, consequently, people will buy those new product so the company will do that advertise againe and again.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Nowadays, businesses use advertisements to tell people that they have a new product that is different from others. I reckon whenever a company emphasizes something, there is a problem there, so on this occasion too I think it is a negative thing. First of all, I believe this occasion is due to competition and consumerism within society. In a society with consumerism, many companies will produce the exact same product, but at different prices so if anyone asks them why they are selling at a higher price while another company sells it at a lower price, they will answer because our product is different and we produced it with high-quality materials, while in fact they didn't. another side of competition is between individuals, everybody looks for something unique and special product which no one else has it, they want to be spectacular so if a company advertises that they have manufactured something new which is differ from others, so many people will go and buy that. In the last paragraph, I said in a consumerist society this kind of behaviorism is so common, but now I'm going to discuss about the effect of this kind of advertisement on individuals. I suppose companies regard advertisements as manipulating people and using cognitive psychological tricks. so when they tell people they have new products which have nothing incommone with others, people will think maybe I should look different. for example, a teenage girl who saw this advertisement on tv, want to hang out with freinds but she feels like she is suppose to be in different close than last time they saw each other so she will go aand buy new things, while she didnt need them at all. I believe this sort of advertisement has a big bad effect on society and makes people unsatisfied with their belongings, consequently, people will buy those new product so the company will do that advertise againe and again.
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