Question: In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard ...

Marking Generated by Free AI Models

You are on the free tier, which uses free AI models. They can occasionally be slow, unstable, or temporarily unavailable. Balang Plus uses premium models for faster, more reliable, and higher-quality marking.

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
In some parts of the world, children are supposed to be hard-working because it is believed that, if they make a lot of effort they can reach to anything. While there are few negative aspects, namely feeling disappointed, in my opinion there are more considerable positive points, such as discovering inborn traits and moving up the career ladder, which are more significant. When children are told that they should be quite ambitious, they may become hopeless if they cannot achieve their goals. If children are expected to make a lot of effort regarding all the aspects, they will not be able to cope with their targets undoubtedly. Consequently, they believe that they are not talented enough, and even think that they lack some features, such as intelligence, so they might become disappointed because they cannot do the tasks which are expected to be done properly. Therefore, children may sacrifice their lives in order to achieve some unrealistic results which take them hope, and children become disappointed. On the contrary, children who do their best to achieve excellent results have probably the chance to discover more innate traits. It is generally believed that the more efforts children make, the more intrinsic features can be flourished. For example, if Tesla, who was a talented electrical engineering in the past, had not done his best to think about direct current electricity when he has a child, he would not have recognize his skill in designing electrical machines. Hence, inborn features are likely to be detected if children try hard. Furthermore, if children try to perform well in different areas hard, they can mature in an efficient way, so they find it straightforward to navigate to success in an optimum way because they have done their best to test their abilities in different aspects, such as their studies. Moreover, their brains can be expanded when they engage themselves in different activities, and apply their ambition on different tasks. As a matter of fact, the more children’s brains process, the more creative they can be, so they can mention many ideas, and consequently, can make brighter futures for themselves. Thus, it is probable for children to climb the ladder of success if their try industriously. In conclusion, whereas some demerits, such as feeling sadness, are considered for being industriousness for children, there are benefits which children can pay attention to, detecting creativity, moving up the success ladder, to name but a few. According to the whole essay, I believe positive aspects have more weigh compared to the downsides.
See more samples for this topic
Check your essay for this topic
Overall Band Score
...
Overview
Vocabulary Range
Loading
Linking Words
Loading
Spelling
Loading
Grammar Accuracy
Loading
Grammar Range
Loading
Cohesion
Loading
Paragraph Structure
Loading
Task Response
Loading
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.