Question: Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you t...

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Phone usage has become quite a significant matterissue in this very decade, and many people have found it hard to avoid in their spare time. To what I perceive, it has both benefits and drawbacks, but there is a boundary to be set for everything that many people seem to forget about. That being said, it surely has turned into a formidable challenge for its users. First and foremost, it's an irrefutable fact that this technology has brought ease and excellence to the community. The work of hours is now done in only a few minutes induring break time. Getting updates about society, checking emails, messaging, or having phone calls no matter the distance has allowed us to connect, communicate, and answer any query needed. Our phones are now professional computers where you can find numerous apps for management, organizingorganising data, learning languages, reading books, etc. These can aid people in educating themselves, working remotely, and having side jobs to provide for their families. Its functionality, such as Bluetooth, calculator, health trackers, and many more features, has made us dispense with a lot of equipment. In addition, our phones and apps are packed with so many dopamine triggers like games, social media, and music. They act as slot machines for the young generation, especially. The rewards from games, whether it's money or mere applause for getting to the next level, the "likes" people get on Instagram, and the feeling of relaxation and happiness are all due to the dopamine released in our brains. Although validation and satisfaction are indeed needed in our daily lives, many other ways exist to achieve that necessary feeling because phone omnipresence can lead to compulsive use and dependency. Furthermore, screen addiction can affect our mental health. theThe ubiquitous negative influence is felt by the crowd when our phone battery runs out. Many are unable to pass the time and enjoy the moment since they have forgotten or haven't learntlearned at all to communicate, study, or work effectively without technology. Health is the next topic to be concerned about. Excessive vaintrivial data from social media and news can only bring headaches, anger, sleeplessness, and dissatisfaction to individuals. Not to mention neck and back pain or vision decreasedeterioration caused by light emitted from screens. To conclude, cell phones are now mainly used as portable entertainment devices and side worksjobs, which can be very beneficial, yet the reliance on them can act as hurdles to quality time, interactions, and independence of oneself. The key is to be conscious and have a balance in life. But due to the circumstances of life and its prevalence, I am on the verge of believing that a digital detox is needed even on the subway back home, let alone in our free time.
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Overall Band Score
7
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Task Achievement

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing why children spend hours on their smartphones and evaluates whether this is a positive or negative development. The response provides a balanced view, acknowledging both the benefits and drawbacks of smartphone usage. However, the essay could be improved by explicitly linking the discussion to children, as the prompt specifically asks about children’s smartphone usage. While the essay discusses general smartphone usage, it would be beneficial to include more specific examples or reasons why children, in particular, are drawn to smartphones.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and there is a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Transition words and phrases are used effectively to connect ideas, such as "first and foremost," "in addition," and "furthermore." However, the essay could benefit from more explicit connections between the points made and the specific context of children’s smartphone usage.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of terms such as "formidable challenge," "dopamine triggers," and "digital detox." The vocabulary is varied and used accurately, contributing to the clarity and precision of the arguments. However, incorporating more child-specific vocabulary or examples could enhance the relevance of the essay to the prompt.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

The essay shows a strong command of grammatical structures, with a variety of sentence types used effectively. There are minor errors, such as the lack of capitalization in "the ubiquitous negative influence," but these do not impede understanding. The essay could be improved by ensuring all sentences are grammatically complete and by maintaining consistent capitalization and punctuation throughout.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Focus on Children: Tailor the discussion more specifically to children’s smartphone usage. Include reasons why children are particularly attracted to smartphones and how this impacts their development.

  2. Examples and Evidence: Provide specific examples or evidence related to children, such as studies on screen time effects on children or anecdotes about children’s smartphone habits.

  3. Clarity and Precision: Ensure that all points are directly related to the prompt. Clarify any general statements by linking them back to the context of children.

  4. Grammar and Mechanics: Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and ensure consistent use of capitalization and punctuation.

By addressing these areas, the essay can more effectively meet the requirements of the IELTS writing task and provide a more focused and relevant response to the prompt.