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Question: Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you t...

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Phone usage has become quite a significant matterissue in this very decade, and many people have found it hard to avoid in their spare time. To what I perceive, it has both benefits and drawbacks, but there is a boundary to be set for everything that many people seem to forget about. That being said, it surely has turned into a formidable challenge for its users. First and foremost, it's an irrefutable fact that this technology has brought ease and excellence to the community. The work of hours is now done in only a few minutes induring break time. Getting updates about society, checking emails, messaging, or having phone calls no matter the distance has allowed us to connect, communicate, and answer any query needed. Our phones are now professional computers where you can find numerous apps for management, organizingorganising data, learning languages, reading books, etc. These can aid people in educating themselves, working remotely, and having side jobs to provide for their families. Its functionality, such as Bluetooth, calculator, health trackers, and many more features, has made us dispense with a lot of equipment. In addition, our phones and apps are packed with so many dopamine triggers like games, social media, and music. They act as slot machines for the young generation, especially. The rewards from games, whether it's money or mere applause for getting to the next level, the "likes" people get on Instagram, and the feeling of relaxation and happiness are all due to the dopamine released in our brains. Although validation and satisfaction are indeed needed in our daily lives, many other ways exist to achieve that necessary feeling because phone omnipresence can lead to compulsive use and dependency. Furthermore, screen addiction can affect our mental health. theThe ubiquitous negative influence is felt by the crowd when our phone battery runs out. Many are unable to pass the time and enjoy the moment since they have forgotten or haven't learntlearned at all to communicate, study, or work effectively without technology. Health is the next topic to be concerned about. Excessive vaintrivial data from social media and news can only bring headaches, anger, sleeplessness, and dissatisfaction to individuals. Not to mention neck and back pain or vision decreasedeterioration caused by light emitted from screens. To conclude, cell phones are now mainly used as portable entertainment devices and side worksjobs, which can be very beneficial, yet the reliance on them can act as hurdles to quality time, interactions, and independence of oneself. The key is to be conscious and have a balance in life. But due to the circumstances of life and its prevalence, I am on the verge of believing that a digital detox is needed even on the subway back home, let alone in our free time.
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Phone usage has become quite a significant matter in this very decade, and many people have found it hard to avoid in their spare time. To what I perceive it has both benefits and drawbacks, but there is a boundary to be set for everything that many people seem to forget about. That being said, it surely has turned into a formidable challenge for its users.
Phone usage has become a significant issue in this decade, and many people find it hard to avoid using their devices during their spare time. In my view, it has both benefits and drawbacks, but there should be boundaries set for everything, which many people seem to overlook. That being said, it has undoubtedly turned into a formidable challenge for its users.
First and foremost, it's an irrefutable fact that this technology has brought ease and excellence to the community. The work of hours is now done in only a few minutes in break time. Getting updates about society, checking emails, messaging, or having phone calls no matter the distance has allowed us to connect, communicate, and answer any query needed. Our phones are now professional computers where you can find numerous apps for management, organizing data, learning languages, reading books, etc. These can aid people in educating themselves, working remotely, and having side jobs to provide for their families. Its functionality such as Bluetooth, calculator, health trackers, and many more features has made us dispense with a lot of equipment.
First and foremost, it is an irrefutable fact that this technology has brought ease and efficiency to our lives. Tasks that once took hours can now be completed in just a few minutes during breaks. We can stay updated about society, check emails, send messages, and make phone calls regardless of distance, allowing us to connect, communicate, and address any queries we may have. Our phones have evolved into powerful mini-computers, offering numerous applications for management, data organization, language learning, reading, and more. These tools can help individuals educate themselves, work remotely, and pursue side jobs to support their families. Features such as Bluetooth, calculators, health trackers, and many others have enabled us to dispense with a lot of traditional equipment.
In addition, our phones and apps are packed with so many dopamine triggers like games, social media, and music. They act as slot machines for the young generation especially. The rewards from games whether it's money or mere applause for getting to the next level, the "likes" people get on Instagram, and the feeling of relaxation and happiness are all due to the dopamine released in our brains. Although validation and satisfaction are indeed needed in our daily lives, many other ways exist to achieve that necessary feeling because phone omnipresence can lead to compulsive use and dependency.
Moreover, our phones and apps are filled with dopamine triggers, such as games, social media, and music, which particularly appeal to the younger generation. The rewards from games—whether monetary or simply the satisfaction of progressing to the next level—along with the "likes" received on Instagram, contribute to feelings of relaxation and happiness due to the dopamine released in our brains. While validation and satisfaction are indeed important in our daily lives, there are many other ways to achieve these feelings. The omnipresence of phones can lead to compulsive use and dependency.
Furthermore, screen addiction can affect our mental health. the ubiquitous negative influence is felt by the crowd when our phone battery runs out. Many are unable to pass the time and enjoy the moment since they have forgotten or haven't learnt at all to communicate, study, or work effectively without technology. Health is the next topic to be concerned about. Excessive vain data from social media and news can only bring headaches, anger, sleeplessness, and dissatisfaction to individuals. Not to mention neck and back pain or vision decrease caused by light emitted from screens.
Furthermore, screen addiction can adversely affect our mental health. The negative impact is often felt when our phone battery runs out; many individuals struggle to pass the time and enjoy the moment because they have forgotten, or never learned, how to communicate, study, or work effectively without technology. Health concerns also arise from excessive exposure to social media and news, which can lead to headaches, anger, sleeplessness, and dissatisfaction. Additionally, physical issues such as neck and back pain or vision problems can result from prolonged screen time.
To conclude, cell phones are now mainly used as portable entertainment devices and side works which can be very beneficial, yet the reliance on them can act as hurdles to quality time, interactions, and independence of oneself. The key is to be conscious and have a balance in life. But due to the circumstances of life and its prevalence, I am on the verge of believing that digital detox is needed even on the subway back home let alone in our free time.
In conclusion, cell phones are primarily used as portable entertainment devices and tools for side work, which can be very beneficial. However, reliance on them can hinder quality time, meaningful interactions, and personal independence. The key is to be mindful and maintain a balance in life. Given the circumstances of modern life and the prevalence of technology, I believe that a digital detox is necessary—even during our commutes home, let alone in our free time.
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Overall Band Score
7
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Task Achievement

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing why children spend hours on their smartphones and evaluates whether this is a positive or negative development. The response provides a balanced view, acknowledging both the benefits and drawbacks of smartphone usage. However, the essay could be improved by explicitly linking the discussion to children, as the prompt specifically asks about children’s smartphone usage. While the essay discusses general smartphone usage, it would be beneficial to include more specific examples or reasons why children, in particular, are drawn to smartphones.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and there is a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Transition words and phrases are used effectively to connect ideas, such as "first and foremost," "in addition," and "furthermore." However, the essay could benefit from more explicit connections between the points made and the specific context of children’s smartphone usage.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of terms such as "formidable challenge," "dopamine triggers," and "digital detox." The vocabulary is varied and used accurately, contributing to the clarity and precision of the arguments. However, incorporating more child-specific vocabulary or examples could enhance the relevance of the essay to the prompt.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

The essay shows a strong command of grammatical structures, with a variety of sentence types used effectively. There are minor errors, such as the lack of capitalization in "the ubiquitous negative influence," but these do not impede understanding. The essay could be improved by ensuring all sentences are grammatically complete and by maintaining consistent capitalization and punctuation throughout.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Focus on Children: Tailor the discussion more specifically to children’s smartphone usage. Include reasons why children are particularly attracted to smartphones and how this impacts their development.

  2. Examples and Evidence: Provide specific examples or evidence related to children, such as studies on screen time effects on children or anecdotes about children’s smartphone habits.

  3. Clarity and Precision: Ensure that all points are directly related to the prompt. Clarify any general statements by linking them back to the context of children.

  4. Grammar and Mechanics: Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and ensure consistent use of capitalization and punctuation.

By addressing these areas, the essay can more effectively meet the requirements of the IELTS writing task and provide a more focused and relevant response to the prompt.