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Question: Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subj...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
Spending time foron studying continues to be controversial for many university students throughout the world, and the question of whether to focus on the main university subject or to learn multiple subjects besidealongside the main one is very topical these days. It is obvious that there are strong views on both sides, which I will discuss now. On the one hand, opponents of focusing on just the main subject believe that this view havehas several significant advantages for students. Firstly, focusing solely on one subject allows people to achieve higher academic levels, as well as a strong foundation offor future studies or research. Secondly, expertise is ensured tofor students by studying just one university subjectssubject deeply during their graduationsgraduation, which is essential for their future careers . Finally, not only may taking additional courses require extra tuition fees and effort, but it also spendspends excessive time foron acquiring numerous skills which isthat are not be necessary for career success. converselyConversely, advocates of learning several skills next to alongside the main subjects believe that it would provide better job prospects and also help to broaderbroaden students' knowledge and skills, which means that they will increase their recruiting chance fromchances of being recruited by employers by specialising in fields such as business management, communications, and programming. . Moreover, the more multi-skillskilled individuals foster are fostered at universities, the more skillful specialists with the highest qualifications and scientific literacy allocatingwill allocate their time to do groundbreaking research and innovate break through breakthrough discoveries. In conclusion, while it is crucial for students to focus on their main subjects with the purpose of gaining expertise, I completely believe that universities ought to incorporate a few essential compulsory subjects, include including communication skills, and financial management, alongside the main one, which can be completelyof great benefit to the students in their future.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Spending time for studying continues to be controversial for many university students throughout the world and the question of whether to focus on the main university subject or to learn multiple subjects beside the main one is very topical these days. It is obvious that there are strong views on both sides which I will discuss now.
Spending time on studying continues to be a controversial topic for many university students around the world. The question of whether to focus solely on a primary university subject or to learn multiple subjects alongside the main one is particularly relevant these days. It is clear that there are strong opinions on both sides, which I will discuss now.
On the one hand, opponents of focusing on just main subject believe that this view have several significant advantages for students. Firstly, focusing solely on one subject allows people to achieve higher academic levels, as well as a strong foundation of future studies or research. Secondly, expertise is ensured to students by studying just one university subjects deeply during their graduations which is essential for their future careers Finally, not only may taking additional courses require extra tuition fees and effort but it also spend excessive time for acquiring numerous skills which is not be necessary for career success.
On the one hand, opponents of concentrating exclusively on a main subject believe that this approach has several significant advantages for students. Firstly, focusing solely on one subject allows individuals to achieve higher academic levels and build a strong foundation for future studies or research. Secondly, students gain expertise by studying one university subject in depth during their degree, which is essential for their future careers. Finally, taking additional courses may require extra tuition fees and effort, and it can also consume excessive time that could be better spent acquiring skills that are necessary for career success.
conversely, advocates of learning several skills next to the main subjects believe that it would provide better job prospects and also help to broader students knowledge and skills which means that they will increase their recruiting chance from employers by specialising in fields such as business management, communications, and programming .Moreover, the more multi-skill individuals foster are fostered at universities , the more skillful specialists with the highest qualifications and scientific literacy allocating their time to do groundbreaking research and innovate break through discoveries.
Conversely, advocates of learning several subjects alongside the main one argue that this approach provides better job prospects and helps to broaden students' knowledge and skills. This means that they will increase their chances of being recruited by employers by specializing in fields such as business management, communications, and programming. Moreover, the more multi-skilled individuals that universities produce, the more skilled specialists with high qualifications and scientific literacy will be available to engage in groundbreaking research and make innovative discoveries.
In conclusion, while it is crucial for students to focus on their main subjects with the purpose of gaining expertise , I completely believe that universities ought to incorporate a few essential compulsory subjects include communication skills, financial management alongside the main one which can be completely benefit to the students in their future.
In conclusion, while it is crucial for students to focus on their main subjects to gain expertise, I firmly believe that universities should incorporate a few essential compulsory subjects, such as communication skills and financial management, alongside the main ones. This approach can greatly benefit students in their future careers.
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Overall Band Score
6
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
weak
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

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Task Achievement

  • Addressing the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on whether university students should focus solely on their main subject or learn additional subjects. However, the essay could benefit from a clearer statement of your own opinion in the introduction.
  • Supporting Ideas: The essay provides reasons for both perspectives, but the arguments could be more developed. For instance, the benefits of focusing on a single subject could be expanded with examples or evidence.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Structure: The essay is structured with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing each view, and a conclusion. This is a logical structure for the task.
  • Cohesion: Use of cohesive devices is present, but some transitions could be smoother. For example, the transition between discussing the advantages of focusing on one subject and the disadvantages of learning multiple subjects could be clearer.
  • Paragraphing: The paragraphs are generally well-organized, but the conclusion could be more distinct in summarizing the main points and clearly stating your opinion.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay uses a range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. However, there are some awkward phrases and word choices, such as "spend excessive time for acquiring numerous skills" which could be rephrased for clarity.
  • Spelling and Word Form: There are minor errors in word forms, such as "subjects" instead of "subject" in "studying just one university subjects."

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay includes a variety of sentence structures, but some sentences are overly complex and could be simplified for clarity.
  • Grammar: There are several grammatical errors, such as "this view have several significant advantages" which should be "this view has several significant advantages." Additionally, "is not be necessary" should be "is not necessary."

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Clarify Your Opinion: Clearly state your opinion in the introduction and reinforce it in the conclusion.
  2. Develop Ideas: Provide more detailed examples or evidence to support your points, particularly in the body paragraphs.
  3. Improve Transitions: Use clearer transitions between ideas to enhance the flow of the essay.
  4. Simplify Complex Sentences: Break down overly complex sentences to improve readability and reduce grammatical errors.
  5. Proofread: Carefully proofread to catch and correct grammatical errors and awkward phrasing.

Overall, the essay presents a balanced discussion of the topic, but it could be improved with clearer expression of ideas and more attention to grammatical accuracy.