Question: Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which cause many h...

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It is widely accepted that a high quantity of food and drink havehas a high levelslevel of sugar, thatwhich causes a lot of illnesses and health issues. A group of people claimclaims that sugary products should be sale bysold at a higher price, and as a result, people will eat less sugar and sweet products. I disagree with this opinion, and I will explain my reasons. On the one hand, I think companies ought to produce sweetiesweet snacks and drink bydrinks with less amount of sugar. Besides, Companiescompanies can add natural sugar to products like stevia sugar, which is sweet as muchsweet as normal sugar, and it is not unhealthy. Not only is sugar is not harmful forto our bodybodies, but also it is also an essential nutrient for our brainbrains and helps us think better. People, especially children and athletes, have to eat sweetie drinksweet drinks and food, and it is not fair to increase the price of those products. In addition, from my perspective, expensive sweet product isproducts are not a good way to convince people to eat less sugar. In my opinion, this action will turnmake people more greedy, and they will have morea greater desire to eat more sugar. inIn addition, they will storehoard sugar and sweet products. As a result, there will be a chaos in the market. Due to the sedentary lifestyle, it is crucial for individuals to be more active and eat healthy food. I believe that this concept should be taught to the members of society. In conclusion, increasing the price of that kind of these products will not be a permanent solution. I believe it will not create any drastic changes. Although, this action will reduce the usageconsumption of sugar in athe short whileterm, after a time, people will eat more sugar and sweet drink comparedrinks compared to the past. Individuals should be aware of the disadvantages of sugar, and try to eat more healthyhealthily and have a better lifestyle.
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Overall Band Score
5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
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Grammar Accuracy
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Grammar Range
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Task Response
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While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Task Achievement

The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear stance on the issue of increasing the price of sugary products. The writer disagrees with the idea and provides reasons to support this position. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced discussion by acknowledging potential counterarguments. For instance, discussing the potential benefits of making sugary products more expensive could strengthen the argument by showing an understanding of both sides.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For example, the transition from discussing the role of companies in reducing sugar content to the ineffectiveness of price increases is somewhat abrupt. Using linking words or phrases to connect ideas more clearly would improve the flow of the essay. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a clearer topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through the argument.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used in the essay is appropriate for the topic, but there is room for improvement in terms of variety and precision. Phrases like "sweetie snacks" and "sweetie drink" could be replaced with more formal terms such as "sugary snacks" and "sugary beverages." Additionally, the essay could benefit from more varied vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and avoid repetition.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors that affect clarity. For example, "a high quantity of food and drink have a high levels of sugar" should be corrected to "many food and drink products contain high levels of sugar." Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement and article usage, such as "sugar is not harmful for our body" which should be "sugar is not harmful to our bodies." Paying attention to these details would enhance the overall grammatical accuracy of the essay.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Task Achievement: Consider acknowledging potential benefits of increasing prices on sugary products to provide a more balanced argument.
  2. Coherence and Cohesion: Use linking words and clearer topic sentences to improve the flow and organization of ideas.
  3. Lexical Resource: Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and use more formal language where appropriate.
  4. Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure to improve clarity and accuracy.

Overall, the essay presents a clear argument but could be strengthened by addressing counterarguments, improving coherence, and enhancing grammatical accuracy.