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Question: It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their perso...

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It is crucial for individuals to make significant changes in their careercareers and personal lives. It has its own advantages and disadvantages. In this essay, I will argue both sides, and I will explain my personal opinion. Overall, I agree with that people have to take risks in their lives, since risky decisions make them to be a better version of themselves. A group of members of the society claimclaims that individuals ought to take risks in their lifelives and try to come out of their comfort zonezones. They believe that nothing good will happen if people do not experience new situations. For instance, when a man decides to change his job, in the first step, he has to quit from his current office and take thatthe risk that will be possible to do he may not find a decent job immediately, and he is going to live without money for a while. This decision has another side. He tries as hard as he can to broaden his knowledge and improve his skillskills. This makes a progress in his personality and career path of this man. On the other hand, sometimes taking riskrisks has drawbacks. If you decide to do anything just basebased on your feelingfeelings, or people's words, it wouldcould destroy your personal or professional life. For example, Ifif someone suggests you to lose your wight weight in a short time with a new drug, and you decide to do it without any research or asking an expert's opinion, you do not get the best outcome. You may lose weight at the first,; however, you probablymay hurt to your body and you may put yourself atin a risky situation. In conclusion, I claim that it is significantly important to take new challenges and risks. Not only does it helpshelp us to get have a better life, but it also makes us to learn new topics and manage difficult situations. In addition, it is important to make decisiondecisions rationally. In this way, the advantages of taking riskrisks definitely outweigh the disadvantages definitely.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
It is crucial for individuals to make significant changes in their career and personal lives. It has its own advantages and disadvantages. In this essay, I will argue both sides, and I will explain my personal opinion. Overall, I agree with that people have to take risks in their lives, since risky decisions make them to be a better version of themselves.
It is crucial for individuals to make significant changes in their careers and personal lives. Such changes come with their own advantages and disadvantages. In this essay, I will discuss both sides and explain my personal opinion. Overall, I believe that people should take risks in their lives, as risky decisions can lead to becoming a better version of themselves.
A group of members of the society claim that individuals ought to take risks in their life and try to come out of their comfort zone. They believe that nothing good will happen if people do not experience new situations. For instance, when a man decides to change his job, in the first step, he has to quit from his current office and take that risk that will be possible to do not find a decent job immediately, and he is going to live without money for a while. This decision has another side. He tries as hard as he can to broaden his knowledge and improve his skill. This makes a progress in his personality and career path of this man.
A segment of society argues that individuals ought to take risks and step out of their comfort zones. They believe that nothing good will happen if people do not embrace new experiences. For instance, when a person decides to change jobs, the first step often involves quitting their current position, which carries the risk of not finding a decent job immediately and potentially living without income for a while. However, this decision also encourages the individual to broaden their knowledge and improve their skills, leading to personal and professional growth.
On the other hand, sometimes taking risk has drawbacks. If you decide to do anything just base on your feeling, or people words, it would destroy your personal or professional life. For example, If someone suggests you to lose your wight in a short time with new drug, and you decide to do it without any research or asking expert's opinion, you do not get the best outcome. You may lose weight at the first, however you probably hurt to your body and you may put yourself at risky situation.
On the other hand, taking risks can have drawbacks. If one makes decisions solely based on feelings or the opinions of others, it can jeopardize their personal or professional life. For example, if someone suggests losing weight quickly through a new drug, and you choose to follow this advice without conducting research or consulting an expert, the outcome may not be favorable. While you might initially lose weight, you could also harm your body and place yourself in a risky situation.
In conclusion, I claim that it is significantly important to take new challenges and risks. Not only does it helps us to get have a better life, but it also makes us to learn new topics and manage difficult situations. In addition, it is important to make decision rationally. In this way, the advantages of taking risk outweigh the disadvantages definitely.
In conclusion, I assert that it is significantly important to embrace new challenges and take risks. Not only does this help us lead better lives, but it also allows us to learn new things and manage difficult situations. Additionally, it is essential to make decisions rationally. In this way, the advantages of taking risks definitely outweigh the disadvantages.
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Overall Band Score
6.5
Overview
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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks in personal and professional lives. However, the thesis statement could be clearer. Instead of stating "I will argue both sides," it would be more effective to directly state your position on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
  • Examples and Support: The essay provides examples to support the points made, such as changing jobs and the potential risks of taking a new drug. These examples help illustrate the arguments but could be more detailed to strengthen the support.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Structure and Organization: The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, using linking words like "Firstly," "Moreover," or "On the contrary" can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
  • Logical Flow: The essay generally follows a logical progression, but the conclusion could better summarize the main points discussed in the body paragraphs to reinforce the argument.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, but there is room for more varied and precise language. For example, instead of "make significant changes," you could use "undertake significant transformations."
  • Word Choice: Some word choices are slightly awkward, such as "hurt to your body" which could be rephrased as "harm your body."

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay demonstrates a range of sentence structures, but there are some grammatical errors that need attention. For example, "it helps us to get have a better life" should be "it helps us achieve a better life."
  • Grammar and Punctuation: There are several grammatical errors, such as "base on your feeling" which should be "based on your feelings," and "you may put yourself at risky situation" which should be "you may put yourself in a risky situation." Additionally, ensure proper use of articles and prepositions.

Overall Impression

The essay presents a balanced view of the topic and provides relevant examples. To improve, focus on refining the thesis statement, enhancing coherence with better transitions, expanding the lexical range, and correcting grammatical errors. This will help in delivering a more compelling and polished argument.