Question: It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their perso...
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In recent years, being flexible and take risk playtaking risks plays a vital role in an individual's life and career.ASAs far as I am concerned, it has some positive imact which outweightimpacts that outweigh the negative effecteffects, such as grabachieving your goalgoals.
On the one hand, From psychology prespectivefrom a psychological perspective, as human beingbeings, we desire to take riskrisks in our lifelives, which leadleads us to become more creative and hard-worker working. As a result, we may be able to achiveachieve our targettargets and aims onin our job forjobs. For instance, Niki companyCompany, a couple of years ago, combine combined technology with their trainers, which can calculate your steps whichand take notice from customercustomers.This demonstratedemonstrates the positive influence of risk atin business.Furthermore, immigration is a good example oftaking riskrisks in our life, immigratin helplives; immigration helps you to come out of your comfortablecomfort zone and experience diverse circumstances. for For example, my cousinecousin has been immigrate immigratedto Canada, and she is really satistiedsatisfied with her new life and situation.This represents the impact of becomebeing flexible in your life.
Onthe other hand., when we do not successsucceed in our risks, it will impact on our relationshiprelationships and our friendship finally friendships. Finally, we may losslose our connection with our loved oneones due to we do not paypaying attention to their advice.Moreover, if we take riskrisks and fail, we may suffer from a range of mental health disorders such as depression and anxiety; also, it could considerably reduce our confidentconfidence, which we require to take thrapy fortherapy. For instance, the CBT approach will be affectiveeffective.
In conclusion, Althoughalthough taking risk haverisks has some negative impactimpacts on our mental healhealth and relations ,relationships,I belivebelieve it could be beneficial for our businesses and our life which help lives, helpingus to experience new thingthings, and take a risk taking risksis more significant.
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Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks in professional and personal lives. However, the response could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that directly answers whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
The examples provided, such as the Nike company and immigration, are relevant but could be more detailed to strengthen the argument.
The conclusion attempts to summarize the main points but lacks clarity and coherence. It should more explicitly state the writer's position on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is organized into paragraphs, but the transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the transition from discussing professional risks to personal risks is abrupt.
The use of linking words and phrases (e.g., "On the one hand," "On the other hand") is appropriate, but more cohesive devices could be used to enhance the flow of ideas.
The conclusion should more clearly restate the main points and the writer's stance.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are several instances of incorrect word usage (e.g., "imact" instead of "impact," "outweight" instead of "outweigh").
Some phrases are awkward or unclear, such as "grab your goal" and "come out of your comfortable zone." Consider using more precise and idiomatic expressions.
There are spelling errors (e.g., "cousine" instead of "cousin," "satistied" instead of "satisfied") that should be corrected.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., "we may able to achive" should be "we may be able to achieve") and incorrect verb forms (e.g., "has been immigrate" should be "has immigrated").
Sentence structures are often awkward and lack complexity. Consider varying sentence lengths and structures to improve readability.
Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect use of periods, are present and should be addressed.
Suggestions for Improvement
Develop a clear thesis statement in the introduction that directly answers the prompt.
Provide more detailed and specific examples to support your arguments.
Improve the coherence of the essay by using more cohesive devices and ensuring smooth transitions between ideas.
Expand your lexical range by using more precise and varied vocabulary.
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to enhance clarity and readability.
Proofread the essay to correct spelling and punctuation errors.